my.escape

sábado, setiembre 30, 2006

[ 1273. Near Miss ]

Almost had a meltdown yesterday night. It was the last straw. After an exhausting week, and a full day of running 2 tuitions, 2 'A' level tuitions that is, my eyes and nose started watering, somewhat unstoppable, and my vision was blurred and all. Refusing to admit defeat i went on teaching. After a while i gave up. I decided to leave.

As i stepped out into the night onto the streets, i felt so bad. So bad it hurts. So bad that i want to cry, but the ego in me kept me from doing so. I was so far, so far from everyone, from my refuge. In the ulu parts of the eastern side of this ~~sunny~~ island. I felt so lost. I wanted to take a cab, but heck no, that fifteen bucks won't justify it. I wanted someone right beside me now. anyone. But that's not gonna happen. So i did the next best thing. I called someone. It didn't matter who. Someone would do. And thanks jason for having that honour, and accompanying me on the phone for a good half hour.

It's times like this, we need the greater One to come and comfort us.

Dawn and i were like just discussing about the project mates from hell that scott warned us about. zl chipped in his two cents worth as well, on a separate occasion. So i'm not alone.

I'm inadequate. There's so much i can do. I'm not superhuman. I can't do everything well. I can't write scripts, i can't talk well, i can't argue convincingly, i can't direct a team well, i can't act, and the list goes on. But i'm willing, albeit with a bit of coaxing at times. And it'll help, alot, if some people keep their mouth glued tight, and try to help, instead of just telling me that when i say no, i should come up with a better alternative. When i do suggest alternatives, you just shoot me down without suggesting alternatives.

Spirit of excellence. If you want to do something, do it to the best. In the name ofharmony i let you on to do the shoot, thinking if i could do wonders with it later on. When i thought that video shoots are gonna be bad, i dind't think it'll turn out that bad. And talk about pushing blames. "No, it's not me who took those shots. It was XXXXX."

And if you do ever stumble across this page feeling offended, get lost. My space, my domain, and thank your lucky stars that i'm not naming names and pasting photos.

Nuff said.

And i woke up this morning, feeling heaty and all. Ah. Screw the KFC. That 1000+ calories, dammit.

But look on the bright side. That was all i ate yesterday. =/

On hindsight, if holidays were so stressful, i'd rather we don't have holidays. Baah. School's more fun, and less stressful. After all, we see each other everyday.

Shannon left at 8:55 a. m..

jueves, setiembre 28, 2006

[ 1272. Dota ]

Four hours of dota. Therapeutic. It's my (near) virgin attempt at this popular game, and well, i don't fare that badly after all. Hehs. Dwarven sniper, my latest favourite character... pretty useful especially in levelling up. Hahaha.

Well, just put everything aside today, left my macbook at home, took my ipod and two readings out and headed down to national library to look for enghow for lunch. A simple lunch, extended to a massive lan gaming session with brothers that i haven't hung out with for god-knows-how long. Soooo much fun. Hahahhaa.

Whee. Tomorrow shall resume projects at full speed. Whee!

Shannon left at 10:35 p. m..

[ 1271. Clarke Quay ]

Shannon left at 10:16 a. m..

[ 1270. Who Am I? ]

Whole day's worth of filming. Not quite done yet, but some radical changes brought me in front of the camera, and not behind it.

And i can give you a thousand reasons why i don't like to be in front of the camera.

Mainly, they stem from the issue of self-consciousness. And self-confidence. Rather, the lack of it.

I'm fat, ugly, can't act for nuts and much more inadequate. (add the two words "i think" to the end of each phrase.)

Time to look up, and look on, man. Stop the self-pity party.

Sat in the car for a little while after reaching home, craving for that stick of cigarette that i used to hold. But of course, there ain't any within my reach. Send the thank you messages, then i sat there and let my thoughts wonder. There just this part of me, that just wanted to sleep and let the carbon monoxide murder me, but of course, the sensible side decided otherwise. Mom would still need the darn car to get to school tomorrow. Gee.

And i was wondering how to explain the expended fuel to her too. Well, she made things so much easier by asking favours of me. So it's advance payment. =p

Tomorrow shall be a mandatory rest day. I so need one. And i miss all yooooou cs people.

And thanks to one and all who made my video possible. Good night.

Shannon left at 12:36 a. m..

miércoles, setiembre 27, 2006

[ 1269. First Shoot ]

Boy i'm all excited about the shoot today... Haha... finally the script's coming alive. ;) And yes... i'm just praying that since i'm like getting favours everywhere, everything will go smoothly and nothing goes wrong... *cross fingers*

Getting props, ironing clothes, and more. Nothing could be more irritating and troublesome than all these props. Getting the actors wasnt half that hard, now to think of it. gee.

So lalala... i'm going off soon... tada!

Shannon left at 9:47 a. m..

lunes, setiembre 25, 2006

[ 1268. Good Morning Headache ]

Woke up to the sound of heavy rain. Lovely. Extended my sleep for another 3 hours, before i woke up at 11am. Wonderful.

BUT.

I woke up with a bloody headache. Dammit.

Went online, surfed youtube for the supposed ntu choir video of binama. But can't find. Ended up finding chorale's post-victory rendition of no man is an island. Wonderful as usual. Not the vocals, but how the song is touching, and all.

Brought back memories of olomouc. Oh darned. I miss europe. Sharks.

Shannon left at 11:32 a. m..

sábado, setiembre 23, 2006

[ 1267. Vulnerable ]

Feeling all tired, sleep and vulnerable.

Thanks chris darling, for accompanying me on supper. It's nice catching up with you, all those small talks, supper and drinks. I really miss ya gal. =) Thanks for being such a great buddy. =))) Love ya lots.

I really should sleep.

Shannon left at 1:13 a. m..

viernes, setiembre 22, 2006

[ 1266. School-Free ]

Not quite. Lugging home the DV cam for the 108 project, along with 101 textbooks and all, i could almost forsee the entire week of supposed rest being inhaled by the projects, researches and all.

It's just mundane and downright pointless to rattle on about school, work and all every day. That's why you see me blogging less, and less. I don't even lug my camera around nowadays. Gee. So forget about those photographs.

Anyway, this blogger widget i got is pretty cool. No more logging into blogger dashboard, just blog at the touch of my F12 key. Wheee. =)

Are emotions something so mechanical, that you can just switch them off and on anytime we want to? I know as virgoans we are the perfect people to do so. But heck, no. I haven't quite moved on from 2 months back. I know it's all wrong and it shouldn't happen, but well, easier said than done.

Ah. Screw it.

Let's concentrate on something else. Like projects. Like FOC. Like hall DnD PnP.

And i'm like still so behind time, behind schedule, owing so many people, so many things. Argh. I hate this kind of feeling. Yucks.

Lala. Whatever. And let's marche this week, hae.

Shannon left at 6:03 p. m..

miércoles, setiembre 20, 2006

[ 1265. Irritated ]

Greatly irritated by a certain ~~lady~~ woman yesterday. Grrrr. Yesterday wasn't even a scheduled meeting, and hello, if you want to have an online discussion, you better be prepared to misunderstand some of the stuff people say. In short: take it light-heartedly. And some people didn't even have the decency to message when she didn't turn up for a scheduled meeting on tuesday before my class. Freaking waste my time. And don't even bother replying my sms. WTH. And i wonder why is she so uptight about the project as if it's THE project. Gee. Juvenile.

Alright alright, let's not complain anymore. Talk about some other mundane stuff that's prolly not gonna sound interesting to you. Be warned.

Tried blogging yesterday, but i think my previous post didn't get posted up. So sad.

Had lunch with dea and dinner with tim yesterday. A good change from the usual CS gals, and finally i get some alone time to do some stuff at my own pace. Finished up 107 assignment miraculously during 107 lecture. What irony. One down, countless more to go. =)

Having troubles sleeping recently. That's probably why i've been looking so bad recently as well. My nose is giving me problems almost every night. Gotta wake up at least 3 to 4 times each night to clear my nose. Still thinking if i should see a doctor. Maybe next week, during recess.

And i'm soooo looking forward to mahjong this sunday.... Hahah...

Shannon left at 3:41 p. m..

domingo, setiembre 17, 2006

[ 1264. Bonkers Unlimited ]

Type type type. Backspace backspace backspace. Type type type. Backspace backspace backspace.

Loss of words.

I'm almost burnt. Or maybe even there, without realizing it. No, it's not foc. Please, if a few interviews could kill me, i would have died a million deaths by now.

It's just me. I know it. Cranky remarks, attention craving, getting into weird tensions with other dudes, getting all emotional without reason, the feeling of wanting to cry. All symptoms, all just signs of imbalance.

Or is it unbalance?

Gee, i don't know.

I detest him. I like her. I'm scared of you. I hate myself. A thousand feelings can just rush through me any point in time. It's scary. Sometimes i don't know if i'm really feeling that way, or i'm trying to make myself feel that way.

Those emotional guilt trips.

I want much. I crave for more. But i need the capacity. And people to love me.

And yes. J-en's damn hot. I love that gal's confidence. Give me that attitude anytime. ;)

Shannon left at 12:33 a. m..

jueves, setiembre 14, 2006

[ 1263. Punked Out of Bed ]

Wonderful sleep. Wonderful morning. All spoilt by a darned brother who couldn't get up on time and was going to be late for school.

And i was called out of bed.

"Can you please send brother to school? He's going to be late. Pleeeeaaassseee?"

A mother's plea. Or rather, a rhetorical request that you know, i can't refuse.

Not even brushing my teeth, i got myself out of bed, changed into something more decent, took the key and phone and off i went, brother in toll.

The ride there was smooth. Ride back was horrible. Stupid roads, all clogged up with iressponsible drivers who don't seem to like to give way at 7am in the morning. Probably they are all like me, grouchy and grumpy, having to send kids to schools early in the morning.

And here i am. Online. Still lethargic. But somehow didn't feel like going back to sleep. But maybe i should, especially if i intend on getting some 101 into my head later on.

And i'm craving for macdonald's breakfast. Should i go? Hmmm.

Shannon left at 8:07 a. m..

miércoles, setiembre 13, 2006

[ 1262. Crazy. Madness. ]

It's my first day out as a budding reporter! Today's 107 was pretty fun i guess. Though the idea of going out and interviewing people give me creeps, but i guess a mixture of well-natured friends and a new buddy called lexisnexis helped a great deal in writing my virgin entry for the... unpublished press. Hehs.

Here goes!

Mixed Responses Towards Ban on Protests

SINGAPORE, 13th September 2006 - Some say it's a good thing, others protest against it.

Singaporeans have vastly differing viewpoints when asked about their views on the authorities’ ban on outdoor protests in the upcoming International Monetary Fund (IMF) and World Bank meetings.

Most people felt that the government was 'doing the right thing' in imposing the ban on outdoor protests.

"I feel that it is okay," says Charmain Lee, 19, a communications student in NTU. She added, "this (ban) is to the interest of Singapore citizens. We cannot afford to have riots that might arise from the outdoor protests."

According to the police, protesters will only be allowed in a small indoor area, of 50 square metres, near the entrance of the convention hall which can hold up to 500 people.

The issue of the ban on the outdoor protests came under fire in recent months, when several civil society organizations (CSOs) questioned the need for the ban. Earlier, the World Bank's Singapore representative Peter Stephens had urged the authorities to allow outdoor protests by accredited CSOs as well.

Expectedly, there are irate citizens who feel that the ban is overboard. "People should have a right to express their opinions in any way they want, so long they don't turn violent," said Justin Zhuang, 22, a communications student in NTU. "There is a general misconception that protests are violent in nature," he added.

Senior Minister Gok Chok Tong cited examples of protests turning violent in Hong Kong last year, to highlight the necessity of the ban in an explanation of the need for the ban.

More than 16,000 delegates are in town for the IMF and World Bank meetings held at the Suntec City Convention Hall, beginning today. The meetings is expected to last until the 20th September 2006, during which discussion forums between the delegates and various leaders of the accredited CSOs will be held as well.

===

Geeee. Damn amateurish right? Hahaha. who cares anyway. it's a good start! =p And i'm supposed to submit another writing assignment by next week. This time on school acommodation or transport issues. Don't run away if i ask you questions alright? =)

It's been a hectic week i guess. Meetings, classes, studying for quizzes, projects and a belated birthday celebration was what took place over the past days. More to come over the next few as well.

Kudos to enghow and gang for giving me a 'surprise' celebration in ntu. Love you guys to bits. =) thanks to people like junting carrie jason joy bowen for coming all the way down to ntu just for me. Thanks a million people. you guys made my day, and i'm glad i'm in this with all of you. =)

And yes. I'm not going crazy yet, for the record. Just that i'm getting a lil cranky nowadays due to the lack of sleep, and also being conscious that i'm gaining weight's not very healthy either. Ahhh. =))

And i've got a quiz on friday too! God bless me...

Shannon left at 11:30 p. m..

viernes, setiembre 08, 2006

[ 1261. Freaking Out ]

It flashed across my mind. Again. How i freaked out when it happened for the second time. How i just feel like being a child and burst out in tears. How i simply shudder in a corner and try to calm myself down. How i heard myself breathing so hard and fast, i thought i was going to get an asthma attack.

It happened again. I can't believe it. And i can't take it.

It's a small matter. But somehow it affected me. Somehow, the accident last year give me a really big phobia of vehicular accident of any sorts.

And i remembered how i screamed.

I feel so... vulnerable once again. I wonder if it's the sleep deficiency that's getting to me, or just bad memories.

This evening i just felt so lonely again. I was behaving like a weirdo, wearing a sweater, and using the hood over my head and curling myself up on the floor. It felt so cold, and i felt so alone. I just felt like flying away to a foreign land, where no one knows me. Felt like i didn't want to go home. Felt like i just wanted to escape.

To where? i don't know.

Shannon left at 10:11 p. m..

jueves, setiembre 07, 2006

[ 1260. Stupid Questions ]

Stupid brothers ask stupid questions.

"Eh, how do you open the door of the washing machine?"

".........."

Whatever la. Stupid questions.

====

And 816's AB assignment is killing me la. And i have no freakin idea how to do it at all.

Shannon left at 1:33 p. m..

lunes, setiembre 04, 2006

[ 1259. Post Birthday Thanks ]

It's been a really long night, and a wonderful one to boot. Been a long time since i last had a chalet, and it's good to see old friends, and catching up on people that i haven't seen for so, so, long. =)

Thanks to mom, aunts and many more, for helping to get the food, and to prepare the food from afternoon till late. Mom's the best, i guess. She cooked from 4 till about 8, just to ensure that we all had enough food to eat. And there were loads of leftovers. I felt so bad. Ayes. Mom, you're the best.

mervin, kaiching, mingxiu, lingfang, zofia, shiyun, yemin, leon, adyll, kelvin, edith, shannon, mandric, keesiang, dingneng, jillian, valerie, joanne, guancheng, terry, adeline, henry, mabel, chuhul, huiyin, lionel, calvin, weiming and gf, kelvin, eric, suya, kelly, alan, brian, kenneth, jason, colin, scott, imran, amanda, dawn, raihana, kelvin, charmain, chrystal, tingyi, erwin, layming, angeleigh, hazel, shulin. Thank you all, for sharing the wonderful night. Thanks for the wonderful presents as well. Hope that the food was sufficient, and you guys enjoyed enough baileys and vodka as well. Now that i'm older, i'll try to behave a bit more decently. But well, you know i say that every year, so it's not gonna happen. Lol. Yes, i know i need a haircut, and with all the angpows i'll get one soon alright.

And talking about the angpows. Thanks to all the relatives who came, some whom i vaguely remembered, but still blessed with with those red packets, which is in dire needs now that i've paid for so many stuff. But nonetheless it was worth it i guess. Of course, not without the sponsorship of mom and many others too, this won't be possible. So thanks once again people. Love you all. =))

Shannon left at 11:10 a. m..

domingo, setiembre 03, 2006

[ 1258. Big Blue Bash! ]

aye aye, it's been some time since i'm here. and i'm definitely getting lazier and lazier in terms of blogger. Talk about law of diminishing marginal returns. Hehs.

And today's the big bash!! come come!! =))) come and catch up and have fun ya? =))

Shannon left at 12:44 a. m..

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

sábado, setiembre 30, 2006

[ 1273. Near Miss ]

jueves, setiembre 28, 2006

[ 1272. Dota ]

[ 1271. Clarke Quay ]

[ 1270. Who Am I? ]

miércoles, setiembre 27, 2006

[ 1269. First Shoot ]

lunes, setiembre 25, 2006

[ 1268. Good Morning Headache ]

sábado, setiembre 23, 2006

[ 1267. Vulnerable ]

viernes, setiembre 22, 2006

[ 1266. School-Free ]

miércoles, setiembre 20, 2006

[ 1265. Irritated ]

domingo, setiembre 17, 2006

[ 1264. Bonkers Unlimited ]

jueves, setiembre 14, 2006

[ 1263. Punked Out of Bed ]

miércoles, setiembre 13, 2006

[ 1262. Crazy. Madness. ]

viernes, setiembre 08, 2006

[ 1261. Freaking Out ]

jueves, setiembre 07, 2006

[ 1260. Stupid Questions ]

lunes, setiembre 04, 2006

[ 1259. Post Birthday Thanks ]

domingo, setiembre 03, 2006

[ 1258. Big Blue Bash! ]

the guy

his wishes

his horizons

people.

tags

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.

sábado, setiembre 30, 2006

[ 1273. Near Miss ]

jueves, setiembre 28, 2006

[ 1272. Dota ]

[ 1271. Clarke Quay ]

[ 1270. Who Am I? ]

miércoles, setiembre 27, 2006

[ 1269. First Shoot ]

lunes, setiembre 25, 2006

[ 1268. Good Morning Headache ]

sábado, setiembre 23, 2006

[ 1267. Vulnerable ]

viernes, setiembre 22, 2006

[ 1266. School-Free ]

miércoles, setiembre 20, 2006

[ 1265. Irritated ]

domingo, setiembre 17, 2006

[ 1264. Bonkers Unlimited ]

jueves, setiembre 14, 2006

[ 1263. Punked Out of Bed ]

miércoles, setiembre 13, 2006

[ 1262. Crazy. Madness. ]

viernes, setiembre 08, 2006

[ 1261. Freaking Out ]

jueves, setiembre 07, 2006

[ 1260. Stupid Questions ]

lunes, setiembre 04, 2006

[ 1259. Post Birthday Thanks ]

domingo, setiembre 03, 2006

[ 1258. Big Blue Bash! ]

the guy

his wishes

his horizons

people.

tags

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.