my.escape

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

sábado, setiembre 30, 2006

[ 1273. Near Miss ]

Almost had a meltdown yesterday night. It was the last straw. After an exhausting week, and a full day of running 2 tuitions, 2 'A' level tuitions that is, my eyes and nose started watering, somewhat unstoppable, and my vision was blurred and all. Refusing to admit defeat i went on teaching. After a while i gave up. I decided to leave.

As i stepped out into the night onto the streets, i felt so bad. So bad it hurts. So bad that i want to cry, but the ego in me kept me from doing so. I was so far, so far from everyone, from my refuge. In the ulu parts of the eastern side of this ~~sunny~~ island. I felt so lost. I wanted to take a cab, but heck no, that fifteen bucks won't justify it. I wanted someone right beside me now. anyone. But that's not gonna happen. So i did the next best thing. I called someone. It didn't matter who. Someone would do. And thanks jason for having that honour, and accompanying me on the phone for a good half hour.

It's times like this, we need the greater One to come and comfort us.

Dawn and i were like just discussing about the project mates from hell that scott warned us about. zl chipped in his two cents worth as well, on a separate occasion. So i'm not alone.

I'm inadequate. There's so much i can do. I'm not superhuman. I can't do everything well. I can't write scripts, i can't talk well, i can't argue convincingly, i can't direct a team well, i can't act, and the list goes on. But i'm willing, albeit with a bit of coaxing at times. And it'll help, alot, if some people keep their mouth glued tight, and try to help, instead of just telling me that when i say no, i should come up with a better alternative. When i do suggest alternatives, you just shoot me down without suggesting alternatives.

Spirit of excellence. If you want to do something, do it to the best. In the name ofharmony i let you on to do the shoot, thinking if i could do wonders with it later on. When i thought that video shoots are gonna be bad, i dind't think it'll turn out that bad. And talk about pushing blames. "No, it's not me who took those shots. It was XXXXX."

And if you do ever stumble across this page feeling offended, get lost. My space, my domain, and thank your lucky stars that i'm not naming names and pasting photos.

Nuff said.

And i woke up this morning, feeling heaty and all. Ah. Screw the KFC. That 1000+ calories, dammit.

But look on the bright side. That was all i ate yesterday. =/

On hindsight, if holidays were so stressful, i'd rather we don't have holidays. Baah. School's more fun, and less stressful. After all, we see each other everyday.

Shannon left at 8:55 a. m..

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the guy

xuan shannon male single 030985.
ntu cs year1 / vocalconsort tenor2 / hopesg nyc ntub1.
msn me.

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new clothes, new shoes, new bike, new friends, fantastic grades. ~~macbook, ipod nano, nokia n80, new wallet.~~

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malaysia, penang. australia, brisbane/gold coast. thailand, hatyai. malaysia, genting. malaysia, johor. malaysia, melaka. thailand, chiangmai. australia, perth. canada, edmonton/cold lake. australia, rockhampton. thailand, bangkok. austria, vienna. czech rep, olomouc. austria, salzburg. germany, munich. switzerland, zurich.

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gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.