my.escape

sábado, julio 31, 2004

[ 626. Concert ]

My first outing with mingrui. The njc alumni choir concert. A mini production over at young musicians' society. For those in the know, YMS is a relatively small hall. Ok, perhaps not every qualified as a hall, but rather, as an auditorium. The performance was rather, mediocre in standards, but as again it is remarkable of its members to go ahead with the show nonetheless. Let's put it this way, it paled by comparision with its alma mater's choir. And an evident clue to its amateur attempt has got to be the inclusion of pop, and to a large extent as well. On a birghter tone, it didn't commit choral suicide by slaughtering any songs.

Went ahead with a late dinner with mingrui after that at the soup spoon. Guess i've been there the... fourth time in 2 weeks? I didn't keep track, but i guess it's about there. And the last time i went there was just last sunday with chris. Oh how i love clam chowder! Despite my painful tongue and ulcer infested mouth, it was still enjoyable to taste and soothing to the throat. A good soup never cease to make wonders.

Guess what, i decided to let loose and pig out today. After that soup, we went to cartel and had a CAKE. Yes, you got me right. a CAKE. Oh my gawd... is xuan really eating a CAKE? I thought he sweared off ice-cream, bread, cakes and all other confectioneries ever since he got FAT...? Well... heck with it today. Think though i'm putting on weight i should pamper myself once in a while. So Auntie Amy's Chocolate Fudge went down my throat... and right into the heart of my tummy. Yummy! And yes... i did feel guilty after that. Maybe i shouldn't have eaten the cake. Imagine how many kilometres i have to run to burn off all that FATS and SUGARS and whatnots... haiz. Heck with it.

Took a little walk to and around esplanade with mingrui after that. It's been a long time since i went there... realize that its a great place for friends to sit around and bitch about. "Oh... who else? He kept calling me the whooooooooole day!.... I just can't stop thinking about him......he's sooooooo cute......" Things you'd hear as you walk by the sea. Had a little talk with mingrui as we sat down as well.... you know, the same old philosophical crap of how much one desires serenity because life is so full of ripples, that comes out of your melancholic heart whenever it's at night, and when you face the sea under such a peaceful setting. It's almost like a script... the things that i said! It's sooo.... cliche. But i just can't help. Or rather, people just can't help it. It's just the very right mood to do so. =) Well, after a little discussion we decided that it was simply crap and we should not get tooo philosophical each time we see a water body. Haha. =p And yes... we went home.... I had to, if not i'll blow god knows how much on cab fares again.

Shannon left at 12:43 a. m..

viernes, julio 30, 2004

[ 625. Mad Rush ]

It's been a long time since i have a mad rush. Ok, today's that day. Rushed off from work at 430pm to get home to change before meeting mingrui. I looked HORRENDOUS in sleeveless, i'm telling you. Don't ask me why. Oh yes, i've put o two kilograms, and that could be the very reason as well. I think i should go on a crash diet. 2 kilograms is a SIN.

In a nutshell, military life is still fine for me, with the exception of some very gothic and outdated mindset of some people up there. I shan't elaborate on it, except for the following points to ponder:

What's wrong with a private being such friends with a full lieutenant?
So what if one's a scholar? Does that mean the sponsor have the right to dictate his or her social life as well?

It's back to the issue of a boy from the neighbourhood school who's dating a girl from a top school.

Shannon left at 5:17 p. m..

lunes, julio 26, 2004

[ 624. People ]

Haha. Think i should not blog at night. Dark nights with candles on the desk makes the perefect setting for melancholic and reminiscence. Guess my posts has bore a note of sunkenness recently. Pretty self-centered as well... mostly on my downs, rarely my ups. Nonetheless, as i thought about it the entire night, i realize there are indeed people who still care. Who still read this, and still bother.

Those dudes in my camp, for example. Those who knows me well enough should understand that i try not to be too keen with stuff in camp. Politics, screwed up standards and other unmentionables are my usual complaints. But i guess work is work, and there are still people who are worth making friends with, and that for one i don't regret. My dearest bunkmates eric and hansel for example. Those days are filled with poking each other with our verbal spikes and arrows, but at the end of the day i guess those are who you can count on when you need help at work, when you need someone to cover your butt. Not literally, please. So thanks dudes... for making life more bearable in the unit. And with superiors like bso and lta boh... how should i describe them? Think nice would be a too overused adjective. Maybe great...? hahaha. Think leaders of the new generation, those who exercise their function as a commander rather than exercise their rank. That's what makes them a greater bunch. Those wacky fellows... it's not everyday you get a lta to be teased by you. =/

And also... beyond army, there's a lot more people. Chris, despite all the whining, screaming, yakking, nagging, irritating comments, and whatnots i give her... she's still a buddy!!! Haha. The times of taking photos of a certain two narcissists... and twanging at cafe cartel, people watching (or rather, boy watching for YOU...) at heeren, and going for tuitions.... haha... you've been a great company, be it the main one or my backup when someone else flew my aeroplane... muahahaha...

Shannon left at 9:38 p. m..

[ 623. Breathe ]

Breathe Again
Dou Yu OST

Have you wondered how it feels when it’s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never knowing where you’re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

I just want to breathe again, learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, Live a little more
I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more

I’ll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It’s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don’t want to live on life replay

I just want to breathe again, learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, Live a little more
I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more

I’ll breathe again

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

I just want to breathe again, learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, Live a little more
I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more

I’ll breathe again

I’ll breathe again...

Have been listening to this song again and again since last night... think this song describes what i'm looking forward to. I need some release... something's crushing me inside. I'm back to feeling down and melancholic... the same old feeling of hopelessness, living day by day, hour by hour. Don't know what i'm living for, and what am i exactly here in this world for. The same feeling of losing my self-identity... confidence... i don't know. I really want to breathe again. I don't know how to do it. If i could, i could cry the whole day. I could cry the whole night. The feeling of being abandoned is just so strong. Not alone, yet so lonely. Perhaps its my personality. I'm quite antisocial whenever my mood's melancholic. Defensive verbal attack. That's what i do. I guess i hurt many around me that way. I'm just so sorry. It's my natural defence mechanism to keep myself going, i guess. Not right, i know, but i just need to survive....

Shannon left at 8:58 p. m..

domingo, julio 25, 2004

[ 622. Missing Rib ]

A girl in love asked her boyfriend...
Girl : Tell me... who do you love most in this world?
Boy : You, of course!
Girl : In your heart, what am I to you?
Boy : The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, "You are my rib.

In the Bible, it was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep;

God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life;
you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart."

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.
However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems... their life became mundane...

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other...

The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated...

One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house...
At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, "You don't love me!"

The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!"

Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while...
He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.

Before she left the house, "If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go..."
She continued, "It is less painful this way... let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners..."

Five years went by...

He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly...
She had left the country and back...
She had married a foreigner and divorced...
He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her...

One day, they finally met... At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good-byes...

He was going away on a business trip.
She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them.
She smiled at him gently.

Boy : How are you?
Girl : I'm fine. How about you... Have you found your missing rib?
Boy : No.
Girl : I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.
Boy : I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back... You know my number... Nothing has changed.

With a smile, she turned around and waved good-bye...

Good-bye...
One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York. In the event that shocked the world...

Midnight...
Once again, he lit his cigarette...
And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart... He finally knew,
she was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken...

Shannon left at 9:18 p. m..

[ 621. NDP ]

Spent my whole day at the stadium yesterday...

Shannon left at 7:56 p. m..

[ 620. This Love ]

Guess what...? This song has been running its rounds in the signals office for almost a month already... played at least a hundred times now. But it's still a hot favourite in the office. Cheers. =)

Song: This Love
Artiste: Maroon 5
Album: Songs about Jane

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
(it's alright, it's alright)
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

Shannon left at 9:31 a. m..

[ 619. Ikea ]

Went to ikea a couple of days ago with carl. Ya know, te day i watched Mean Girls. =) Saw a cupboard that i really like. Die die will buy it when i move house.

Oh, i went out with my choir gals a couple of days ago ya know? So if you don't, i'm telling you. They still look as fabulous as they did. Simply love them. =)

Shannon left at 1:17 a. m..

[ 618. Supper ]

Thank you mingrui, sgt andrew and jason for accompanying me for supper today. Even though i had to wait nearly an hour for you guys. But at least you guys turned up and kept me company for tonight. =)

I'm such a sucker for company. I mean, i'm always with my friends if you realize. That's with the exception of sunday mornings which is specially reserved for mommy dearest. Apart from that, you know where to find me -- with friends!

Even if i don't have a handphone, all you need to do is to arm yourself with a xuan's phonelist, and try hard enough, you'll find me. Typically i'll either with shopping with ziwei or eric, or watching movie with enghow or mervin, attending a concert with ziwei or mingxiu, supper with joseph or bowen, having dinner with mingxiu, bitching with eric, having caesar salad with hansel and the list goes on. Well, so all in all i'm a social butterfly i guess.

Don't think i have a lot of friends. Maybe i do have lots of acquiantances, but as for friends... i do not know. Seriously. It's not up to me to say how many true friends i have, but how true i can be as a friend to others. Though i always try, sometimes i always fail. I wonder why, i feel so sad. That's why my loner nature starts sinking in. I feel i'm better off alone, without inflicting hurts of any sort to the people around me.

Conclusion? I hurt myself. Emotionally. And end up i start stinging people around me. With words, with deeds, with motives. Not all the time, but guess enough for myself to notice. Sometimes i just hate myself. But God gave me this life to learn how to love, to know what is grace. But it's just so hard... it's too hard that i wanna give up. Many a times it almost gave way. But i know he still cares. I know people still care, it's just a matter of who.

Friends... if you call me a friend... thanks a million. Think i owe you guys a lot. Love ya. =)

Shannon left at 12:46 a. m..

sábado, julio 24, 2004

[ 617. Hurt ]

Ok. I shall come straight to the point this time.

I was accused, hmm, let's use a milder word, said to be unprofessional by withholding certain facts and thus gained an unfair advantage over some others for my new appointment.

That's all i'm going to say since so there are people involved in this and God knows who's reading my blog and then blackmail me for it.

I'm peeved. Hurt. Upset with him.

I know its not his fault, but how can i face him after this issue? The impression has changed, after all. My impression of him changed too, definitely.

Even though he said, "Don't worry, we are still friends."

When the higher ranks can't make up their mind and come out with a confirmed decision, we suffer the effects.

So as again, i hate warrant officers.

Shannon left at 8:56 a. m..

miércoles, julio 21, 2004

[ 616. Blogging ]

Its getting increasingly irritating to blog. Why? Entry number 600+++ will not be the same as entry number 10, or even earlier. The feeling's not the same, the knowledge's not the same. Let's not mention the obvious such as space and time. Well, it's tough to blog about certain things that you really want to confide somewhere, especially about people, when you know who's reading your blog. And as like friendster, you'll never know the subject of your blog-bitching may be a friend of your classmate's cousin, or the driver who drives your classmate's cat to the feline spa each day. I used to have a separate blog for such purpose, with a tracking device should anyone else tries to read the blog. Result? Someone did read the blog, and i have to constantly live in fear and secrecy, not knowing when will my darkest secrets be spilled. And no thanks, i have no habit of writing a diary. =) So, it's tougher to blog today than a year ago.

Shannon left at 10:06 p. m..

[ 615. Hurts ]

As again... i've been reading shake's blog...

Abt the opposite sex...

My friend..one of us lah...once said to me..and i still remember...that she said me and azreen should stop degrading the guys that hurt us...that we're always on this feminist crusade..that we should take a step back and maybe see that the problem may lie wif us..

true...i agreed at that time..

but now i took a step back and realised sumthin..so i want to tell this fren of mine...that firstly i love her to death..and that i know she might not be reading this now...but i'm still goin to say it aniwae..

i guess u never told us much abt whether u ever got hurt by a guy b4..u just sorta found out he was interested in sumone else..and that turned u off..and now u are completely adverse to guys in general..

so let me tell u that.....u were not hurt like us...maybe u were...but not to the extent that we were..i think az n lulu were the worst hit...i'm still ok..

i dunno...u hide alot of ur emotions from us...so maybe u did hurt as much as us...that's why u should understand wat we're going thru rite?

but if u weren't...then u haf to try and understand the pain...it's not sumthin u can take very lightly...

that's why we are so anti-men sumtimes..because it's our only defence mechanism against them..and we do it together..bcos we're stronger in numbers...

until u can understand...then i guess u won't get it why we are looking for someone..

Well... can't really identify with that since i don't have that problem... haha... but i do know of people who have this problem as well...

guys... straight and gay alike... just have this fondness of 'multi-tasking'... just another day one of my aj friends just started telling me about how heartbroken he is over this guy who seems so promising to him... and just as about something is going to happen, that guy went steady with someone else... i mean, c'mon la guys. Get your act together... stop acting like the kings of the world. Does the word loyalty and faithfulness ring a bell...? i mean... yes, you tell me its affairs of the hearts are rarely controllable... and i'm telling you its bullshit. You just want to have the best of both worlds... and you wanna choose. Hello... these are people's feelings that we are talking about... not any shirt that comes in different shades. You don't take people like you take two shirts into the fitting room, try them, decide that you like both of them, and even wanted to buy both of them. Then when you realize that you have only enough cash for one, you throw the other back... no, that's not how it works my dear alpha males... wait wait, i need to make a disclaimer first... i'm not supporting any women's lib (though i sound like i'm damn pro-feminism) but its just that... how often do you hear people complain about girls cheating on them...? Almost never... But then again... this is not meant to be a blanket accusation as well... there are still guys out there who are nice... sensitive... soft but firm... and all kinds that appeal to gals (and ajs alike). but i have to agree its getting increasingly tougher to be a gal nowadays... apart from competition from other gals they still have to fight competition of ajs... haha... and pool of good guys is really diminishing at an exponential rate.

After all, the old saying goes... all the good guys are either married or ajs. =)

Shannon left at 8:37 p. m..

[ 614. Ice ]

and IN CASE anyone still doesn't know... that green line beneath each post is for you to LEAVE comments... yeah... try to utilize it... cuz it seems... underutilized?

Shannon left at 7:47 p. m..

[ 613. Ikea ]

Oh dammit. I saw this shelf that i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaally like at ikea. The ideal for my new room once i move house. Open, white, 25 big and generous space for all sorts of crap. Can buy these good looking red drawers as well. Oh. How nice.

And sharks. I missed my basic theory test. No. It's not today. THAT'S WHY!!! I kept thinking it's TODAY when it's actually on MONDAY!!! Urgh. Who asked me to keep thinking upon which day to take that day when i registered. And i keep thinking that i registered for my basic theory for today! Grrr. What a waste of six bucks.

Mean Girls is such a wonderful show. Recommended for kelly. GO KELLY!!! Oops. Haha. Its a very real problem in society, dramatized in the world of high school girls. The dominators, the victims, the scheming. Go see it for yourself. Awww... i love the show. Such bitchiness. =)

Shannon left at 7:21 p. m..

[ 612. Drama.dance ]

SRJC 15th anniversary. Was an interesting show i guess. Let me list a few points of interest before we go on anyway:

1. It's has 3 parts, all in the three mother tongue languages.
2. Mrs kok the principal was involved in the 'frontline' of the show.
3. 5 different groups performed. You even get to see indian dance last night.
4. After every part there's this stupid critic that comes out and oppose the moral of the story.

So all in all... i think it's a pretty professionally amateur job. As agreed, it's obviously a student's production, yet such a wonderful job done in terms of the skills and professionalism in all the performers. Great collaboration between the groups i guess. Something never done, never seen before. Wow.

Ok, that's it for the performance.

Anyway, i hate windows. They are an obstruction for creativity. Little can be done to design the layout of my room because of the stupid windows. Damn you, windows.

Shannon left at 9:19 a. m..

martes, julio 20, 2004

[ 611. Weiming ]

Introducing my upperstudy. =)

Shannon left at 5:50 p. m..

[ 610. Depression ]

Ripped from shake's blog.

Does anyone know what depression is?

Depression is when u feel lonely but u can find anithing to fill that empty space.

Depression is when u search so hard for something but u can't seen to find it.

Depression is when u want something so bad, it being out of reach can only make things worse for u.

Depression is when u buy tons of magazines just to see how pretty other ppl are and u noe u cannot afford to look like them..

Depression is when u are too scared to eat normally.

Depression is when u look at urself in the mirror and u hate wat u see.

Depression is when u stare at slimming pills n laxatives wishing u can take them

Depression is when u realise that u're depressed and u want to go back to sch so that u can stop socialising and be a wallflower and continue to be depressed and discontinue any oppurtunities to become even more depressed.

I'm depressed.

Shannon left at 11:52 a. m..

[ 609. Hair ]

Yipppeeee!! I just cut my hair! At least it still look the same, minus the sideburns and all other stuff that will make rsm scream.

Awww. I'm changing depts soon. Boohooohoo. Wonder how life's gonna be under co. After looking at the record number of people that were... ermz... dittz by him in the last 2 weeks, well, we shall wait and see. Ok la, seriously who cares?

I mean, it's time to stop complaining, xuan. Grow up, xuan. Shut up lah xuan!!!

(Walks away sulking)

Hey hey, come back. COME BACK!!!

(Run back gleefully)

....crazy kid.

Oh yes, rsm wanna see me on thursday. Bleah. According to my dear uppestudy, its for a chat. Oh, how nice. Really wonder what will he say to me. Anything nice, or warnings? The latter seems more probable right? I mean, after all, its rsm. =)

Meeting joshua yong and elaine for lunch later. How cool!!!

Lalalala... i just cut my hair. Yippppeeee!!!

(ermz, have i already mentioned it before...?)

Shannon left at 11:03 a. m..

[ 608. Alternatives ]

Shannon left at 9:06 a. m..

lunes, julio 19, 2004

[ 607. Tuition ]

Anyone looking for Chem or Math C tuition please call me.....

Shannon left at 10:45 a. m..

[ 606. Bo ]

Shannon left at 10:11 a. m..

[ 605. Fish n Co ]

Shannon left at 9:53 a. m..

[ 604. Edo Sushi ]

Shannon left at 9:52 a. m..

domingo, julio 18, 2004

[ 603. Fat ]

Miraculously i was fine when the moment i got to stadium. Think that half hour rest really hit the spot.

I never knew there were so many primary 5 kids in singapore. All wearing red, all screaming like some ndp newbies. Waitaminit. They are ndp newbies. I mean, how many lucky primary 5 kids have watched the ndp before? I'll give it at most 5%. Most parents are not going to waste tickets on really young kids who goes for such parade and make a fool out of them. Nah, it don't work that way. So i mean, they were already pouring in at 3pm, and parade started at 530pm. And after the parade at 8pm, they were still jamming up the stadium at 10pm. It's time that we widen the roads and build a mega mrt station around the stadium. After all, it's an annual event that makes most nsfs busy and wondering how come they are doing stupid things like wearing grey tracksuits and running around with banners. Nonetheless, it was a fun time for the kids i supposed. Those fireworks are beautiful... it's a pity that i didn't have my camera on hand. Oh my gosh... its amazing how come fireworks never loses their ability to captivate audiences. It's just a simple work of colour sparks, yet the sight of skies lighting up is yet so enchanting. Its simply beautiful.

Spent the duration of the parade talking to weiming as well. About his superior, about when i'm going over to under study (if ever), about wings to soar, about dinner. My conclusion is this... you need a hansel to fully comprehend him. Welcome to the linguists' club. Guess i didn't had to rack my brains as hard when i was talking to lta boh and mingrui. Well, at least i could use chinese with them. Haha. Then again, i seem to have lost my ability to talk fluently ever since i entered the army. Tripping over my own words and mispronouncing my words seems to happen more frequently. Oh my... how can this happen? I mean, after the previous realization of my limitation of vocabulary, and now this... i seriously need to hit my books really soon. Help, somebody.

And yes, i'm really getting fat. So i had salad for dinner. I made it myself ok. And its edible. Delicious to be exact. =) Well, i know you dont exactly have to be a chef to make a salad, but do give me some credit for being able to put in the right amount of salad cream ok...

Since i had nothing to do i've decided to blog surf. Here's some updates...

from joel's blog...
... After the parade, booked out amidst a heavy rain. Met up with my friends from SISPEC for lunch at Tampines Mall as White Sands came down with a power failure... Thought it was yet another major blackout. Yes, & i know what is happening to Mainland even when I'm on Tekong for the Past half a month cause I either read newspapers or watch the news. So not really broke contact with things happening here though!!!...
Ok... thought tekong PRs usually don't know much of a happening in mainland at all...

from marv's blog...
Spoke to my company's OC this week. Talked to him about the problems I've been facing. Well, my cousin's out of ICU and is now doing rehabilitation at Ang Mo Kio hospital. My Grandma's had her cataract operations done already. Oh yea, my mom just told me that her doctor told her that she was developing a slight cataract in her left eye. Hmm. I should call home more often when I'm in camp.
My heart really goes out to this guy sometimes... things are always happening around him... not on the best of terms we are, but definitely i still take him as a friend...

from shake's blog...
i lurve chocolate...
So do i! And talking about chocolates... i once heard someone said this when asked why he doesn't like bitter chocs. He said that life was already bitter enough, so why make things worse for ourselves? I like bitter chocs personally...

from wes' blog...
i am sad due to alot of things...firstly i am such a losers and stpid ugly guy with no brain or body.. i am juz a no body occupyin space in the world.. i wish i have all the attributes my pals have. but too bad i have none...ZERO. but what to do.. life is alway like that.. you gonna take what you have even though you have none like me. but i must be happy that all my pals are nice tom e.. letting me living in my own world, protecting me , telling me i looking ok...
If you really feel that way now, i would have long committed suicide ages ago.... trust me. Cmon la... think you have it quite good for you... your friends, your family and so on... think about it.

from old bso's blog...
feel the same now as i were 2 years ago, just before booking in to Stagmont camp. The same irk you feel flooding over you when you're buttoning up your book in attire, knowing you'll have to wake up at 0515 sharp the next morning to prepare for your morning jog [what a euphemism!] etc. Got to go for work in 3 hours' time. The Franz Ferdinand album plays repeatedly on my Creative speakers and in my head.
No comments.

Think i'm really pretty bored today to really go around reading blogs. But then again, think it's a pretty good time to just slow down, and look around at people around you. Their lives, their actions, their thoughts. How God has it for them. How things are flowing for or against them. Sometimes it makes you feel worse, but most of the time it makes you feel a lot better..

Shannon left at 6:48 p. m..

sábado, julio 17, 2004

[ 602. Sick ]

I knew it. I'll fall sick. Woke up this morning with a tap for a nose. Mucus just keep flowing out nonstop. Ok, i know i don't hav enough sleep. Don't remind me about it. Please. Had a little lunch with mervin. For once, i'm early and he's super late. Oops. Haha. Then he decided to stake out for this girl who plays gunbound. I mean, any girl who plays gunbound generally cannot make it. I mean, physically. And yes i was right. After going to recce, mervin decided that it was horrible and we made a dash for the train almost immediately. Some gentlemen we are. After all, quote mervin, "it's ok as long as we haven't meet face-to-face yet." Lunch. Fish and Co. Centrepoint. You know me, i'll feel damn guilty after eating such oily stuff, then i'll start looking at myself and boy was i right. I'm getting fatter. Help. Strange isn't it? I'm still at my same weight, my waist is still the same length, but why do i seems like i'm putting on weight? Somebody enlighten me. Anyway, think i'll have a very small dinner tonight. If i can help it, i want a salad. =p

Tribute to mervin.

Shannon left at 2:44 p. m..

viernes, julio 16, 2004

[ 601. Paradise ]

Haha. Finally... paradise! lu4 ding3 ji4 is finally over. The last 48 hours was especially tiring. Not in a position to complain though. I was one of the lucky two who stayed back in camp during d&d. Well. Nonetheless, my stomach problems started to surface again. Must have been due to those night shifts that i've been doing and upset my meals. I mean, you sleep, then you eat, then you sleep then you work the whole night without food. So? I dare say i'm busier than some people who were there. Simply there as a... porcelain vase? No further comments shall be entertained here. Think i've learnt a great deal during the exercise. Been an eye-opener to me, i mean, how many privates actually get to go see such exercise from where i was? If you ask me about it i will tell you more. Haha. Personally. =)

And yes, i hate warrant officers. Not a blanket judgement, but some who think that they are really damn experienced. Well, true enough, they are old enough to be my dads. But whether are they really good is another thing. This is the army of the 21st century, so stop bring your 1980s ways with you. After all, they are just super senior specialists. And you may argue, i'm at most a corporal at the end of two years. =) Cheers.

Shannon left at 10:55 a. m..

[ 600. Perfection ]

“If you want to be perfect, then go sell your possessions and give to
the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” (Matthew 19:21)

The statement leaves the rich young ruler distraught and the disciples
bewildered.

Their question could be ours: “Who then can be saved?”

Jesus’ answer shell-shocks the listeners, “With man this is impossible
….”

Impossible.

He doesn’t say improbable. He doesn’t say unlikely. He doesn’t even say
it will be tough. He says it is “impossible.” No chance. No way. No
loopholes. No hope. Impossible. It’s impossible to swim the Pacific.
It’s impossible to go to the moon on the tail of a kite. You can’t
climb Mount Everest with a picnic basket and a walking stick. And
unless somebody does something, you don’t have a chance of going to
heaven.

Does that strike you as cold? All your life you’ve been rewarded
according to your performance. You get grades according to your study.
You get commendations according to your success. You get money in
response to your work.

That’s why the rich young ruler thought heaven was just a payment away.
It only made sense. You work hard, you pay your dues, and “zap”—your
account is credited as paid in full. Jesus says, “No way.” What you
want costs far more than what you can pay. You don’t need a system, you
need a Savior. You don’t need a resume, you need a Redeemer. For “what
is impossible with men is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

Don’t miss the thrust of this verse: You cannot save yourself. Not
through the right rituals. Not through the right doctrine. Not through
the right devotion. Not through the right goose bumps. Jesus’ point is
crystal clear. It is impossible for human beings to save themselves.

You see, it wasn’t the money that hindered the rich man; it was the
self-sufficiency. It wasn’t the possessions; it was the pomp. It wasn’t
the big bucks; it was the big head. “How hard it is for the rich to
enter the kingdom of God!” (Mark 10:23) It’s not just the rich who have
difficulty. So do the educated, the strong, the good-looking, the
popular, the religious. So do you if you think your piety or power
qualifies you as a kingdom candidate.

God does for his children what they can’t do for themselves.

--Max Lucado

Shannon left at 10:53 a. m..

martes, julio 13, 2004

[ 599. Tired ]

Really beat. Eye bags enlarging. Not enough rest. Exercise sucks. Really. Looking forward to the offs. How many days will i get? I have no idea. Haha.

Post for thought: Real confidence comes only when you don't need to hesitate which photo to use for yourself.

Shannon left at 6:29 p. m..

domingo, julio 11, 2004

[ 598. Worth ]

Keeping myself busy is not a sin, i tell myself. Not to show anyone anything, but to keep myself occupied. Am i proud? I'm egoistic. My spatial awareness, taste for colours and shapes, vocality, and some other stuff are what i take pride in. Why can't they let me reign in these? Stick to what you're best at. Don't think i'm there to beat you at your own game. Have i proved my worth? Seriously i don't care.

All in all, when i keep myself busy, i only have this to say: it's to keep myself away from dwelling on my hurts and desperation....

Shannon left at 7:41 p. m..

[ 597. Revealed ]

Trying my best to get back on feet
How many times I cry out to you
To the one up there from the earthly me
For a grace so free when i despair

With each step i take I thought i've climbed far
Only to find that i've tumbled further
Discouraged, disillusioned why's he telling now?
When he's the one who did all that was done

Consequences, responsibility big words no one dare takes
Choosing to remain silent the blame was set
Confused and hurt i'm weeping inside
Each time i see him the dark clouds rise up

God please tell me if this is for real
That once again i feel so revealed
Am i really the one that you've called
Your own, your child, your loved one

I don't know.

Shannon left at 6:43 p. m..

[ 596. Ugly ]

Sigh. It's true. I think i'm getting uglier day by day. What happened to my boy-boy face...?!?!?!?

Shannon left at 1:27 a. m..

[ 595. Johnson ]

Stumbled upon johnson's blog (thanks to marcus liew POK ming...) and here's what i plagarised....

"now i haf a question. is love commercialised? or rather, has movies romanticized us? are we under the influenced tat love should b like tat? after watching movies like "windstruck" or "turn left, turn right", do we wan to b in their shoes? it was one of my gp topic of discussion back when we were in school. we were talking about the effects of mass media. do u agree tat many of us haf been under the influence of mass media to change our perception? to some extent, some pple have divorced coz they do not feel the chemistry, the romance tat they have earlier perceived from the movies. we human beings r easily influenced. esp in this age where information is at it's fastest n wif more information, one will stand on higher ground. how do we get these information, by reading, by hearing, by seeing. how do we do tat? thru mass media. once we r used to do that, we tend to keep doing it. read more (books, newspaper, mags...), watch more (tv, movies...), hear more (music, radio..). "

true true i guess. This generation lacks originality. Their perception of love, of mutual affections as all based on what they hear, what they see. Ironically it doesn't even come from what love is all about: feelings. What's wrong with the people today... can't they use a bit more brains than to be led around like donkeys? So if one day them media decides to try an experiment to advocate couples with large age differences, chances are you will find people with step daughters older than you or mother-in-law who was your classmate back in secondary school. Hello... wake up and smell the roses of love. It's about passion for another person. Living for another person. And not about living with the flow of what media notates love to be.

Shannon left at 1:19 a. m..

viernes, julio 09, 2004

[ 594. Exercise ]

Just got back from yet another day of exercise.... shan't tell you what's the exercise about, but i'm gonna talk about the exercise. =p

Have been going to jurong camp everyday since monday, and boy it cost A LOT ok. Imagine this: a bus ride to the mrt costs $.63. a trip by mrt to boon lay costs about $1.58 either from amk or serangoon. Then, you take a bus which set me back by another $.38. Add that up will be more than $2.50. Imagine spending ive bucks a day just on transport. And that does not even include the taxis that we take in the morning when we are running late. I mean, hello, we are supposed to reach there by 0830. Oh yes, i don't drive, unlike every other staff sergeant or captain who's there. =) So nonetheless, i blew about twenty bucks this week on travelling. And according to s1, you can't claim them.

Learnt a lot this week i guess. Both about technicals and people. About how they work, and how sparks fly and how cork up the 3 sig people can get when they can't even solve a simple thing for me like changing the colour of the webpage background. Ok, enough of them. Oh yes. I have to agree that s3 looks really handsome. Before you faint, i really mean it. Especially with his hair ungelled. You should see it for yourself. He's got that classic handsome face. Trust me. Oh yes, Lta Boh is another one. Don't see her (yes it's a HER) quiet and mild... she can get pretty crazy.

It's kind of stress when you work with people so much higher in rank than you. I mean, as the only privates there (me and eric), and the next higher rank is a staff sgt. Ouch. Try being under that stress. Ok, not exactly stress, but you just have to be watchful of what you do. You can't afford to offend anyone. Thank God nothing happened yet. They seems quite friendly too. Ok, they are. =p

Had dinner with felix just now. I mean, was just trying my luck with him and didn't know he'd gladly oblige... haha. What a nice dude. One of the nicest spec i ever saw i'm telling you. Very professional in his dealings, and i guess that makes him a good christian too. Maybe it's because he's rather nice to me, or anything else... but i guess sometimes i feel overrated by him. I don't think i'm really up to mark. He's kind of cool anyway. Muahahaha.... yeah, his hair looks frozen most of the time. =/

Shannon left at 11:19 p. m..

miércoles, julio 07, 2004

[ 593. Class Gathering ]

Shannon left at 7:27 p. m..

[ 592. Wow ]

Bought this new CD despite pathetic finances conditions i'm in now. The latest WOW worship CD. Cost me twenty bucks, but was worth every single cent of it. Stunned my brother's discman and it has been my companion everyday going to and from jurong camp. And this two weeks gonna cost me a bomb in public transport because:

1. i'm no longer a student, thus i don't qualify for concession, even though i was called an 'NCC kid' by vincent before;
2. my nsf allowance goes to paying my food and phone bill, with little left for transport;
3. i'm not some filthy rich people who own a car;
4. i don't even have a licence to drive a car;
5. i don't know how to operate a car;
6. even with a car, the petrol's gonna cost me about as much.

Imagine this. A bus to the nearest mrt costs 63 cents. A train ride to boon lay costs 183 cents. Another bus ride to the camp is a further 63 cents. Total, 259 cents after transfer rebates. Two trips a day will set me back by five bucks a day. FIVE BUCKS A DAY! How much am i going to pay for this two weeks?! Somebody help!

Shannon left at 5:10 p. m..

[ 591. New Look ]

Hmmmm. i'm really surprised. Amazed at how blogger has revamped itself. Didn't really take the effort to go around exploring until i stumbled upon eric's blog today. The one that he did with the new blogger look with all the profile and whatnots. Looks like a chip off livejournal. haha... Well, so with that, of course i need to update my page as well... so have a look around. =)

Shannon left at 4:38 p. m..

[ 590. Peeved ]

I'm positively peeved about my pathetic state my pc is in and i'm perpetually contemplating punching my pathetic little brother who is responsible for the problem that i'm facing. Any pain incurred is his problem, because i'll be the one that's fixing the com and fixing him.

Nonetheless, i need some professional technician to resolve my com. Anyone got recommendations? Drop me a note, or better, call me.

I'm home today. In the day. Amazed, isn't it? You should be. I'll be an owl for the next two weeks. You see, i'm on night shift. So don't be too surprised if you see messages or missed calls at three or four am... i'm known to be highly inconsiderate when it comes to mobile phone usage. After all, calls are only five cents a minute in the middle of the night.

Shannon left at 3:13 p. m..

sábado, julio 03, 2004

[ 589. Nydc ]

Shannon left at 9:43 a. m..

viernes, julio 02, 2004

[ 588. Sispec ]

Many a times i look back and think, if only. If only i went to sispec, now i'll be a corporal, on my way to get my three stripes. I will have a chance to command people and to do things that others may not have a chance to. But then, did i liked the route marches and SOCs? Did i enjoy outfield? Did i had the paradigm shift? No. It was when i went to signals, i found perhaps that's one of the avenues that i could enjoy my ns life in. A further bonus was my unit. The kind of benefits as a man, the kind of recognition as one of the better signallers. Though now i'm still tempted at achieving that three stripes, but looking at where i am now, i'd say no. =)

Shannon left at 9:48 p. m..

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.