lunes, octubre 30, 2006
[ 1288. Cold Wind ]
1. I thought my 1% plagiarism was fantastic enough. Someone beat me at 0%.
2. 442 surveys are in, translating to more than a thousand bucks in the FOC fund. =)
3. Postponement of 102 presentation becomes a huge load lifted off my shoulders.
4. 111 presentation went on well, even without a script.
5. I was labelled as a flirt by feebs, for allegedly flirting with a certain someone.
6. I never knew i had an inner beng in me.
The air-con's pretty quirky tonight. When switched on, it becomes too cold. Without it, i feel damn hot sia... It's weird being at home on a monday night, and pretty cumbersome without a working mouse. Conveniently left it
Woe to msn. Cursed be the one who invented msn.
(And there i go, switching on the damned aircon again.)
I was just telling raslyn today that A's are subjective. While you can control the content you put in your paper, you cannot control the grade you're getting. It's like one of the podcast of mrbrown where there was this two kids conversing, about "last time 75% is a good grade, now 66% also good grade." While you can try to influence the outcome, what matters most is what the power-welder says: whether its good or otherwise.
That's why, i shall just study what i think is important. After all, while you cannot dispute the reaction between sulphuric acid and sodium hydroxide, pros and cons of a certain policy can be widely intepreted and critiqued.
And i'm so gonna waste my tomorrow away...
Shannon left at 11:29 p. m..
viernes, octubre 27, 2006
[ 1287. Ten Things ]
"if you only have 6 months left, what will you do?"
Then there's a list of 100 things that one might do. From eating ice-cream to making a will, almost everything's there. Everything that's pure and nice. =) The poster's white, making it seem full of hope and all. It dawned upon me. It seems so far away, 6 months. But how will one feel, say, 2 weeks before the 'appointed' death day? 5 days? or the day before? Isn't it so... scary?
Everyone should pay a visit to lifebeforedeath.org.sg and take a look at the video logs of muhd abdooh. It's courageous, to say the very least, for someone to share his last days with the world. The world that cares enough to see. For whatever reasons.
It makes life seems so much more precious now. So much more wonderful, smelling the roses amongst the thorns and thistles. I've been pricked quite a fair bit over the past weeks, mostly self-inflicted one to say the very least. But thank God for some wonderful souls for cheering me up. =)
Life's really a game. About fame and shame. Some get caught in this rat race, but blessed are those who rise above it. Without a care, methinks they know better. It makes me think, why do i even try sometimes, when all i get in the end, is not exactly what i want.
Do you know what i want?
mrk. =)
Shannon left at 6:23 p. m..
martes, octubre 24, 2006
[ 1286. Guessing Games ]
Thoughts of all sorts never fails to rush through my head on such nights. At 3am in the morning, it's a sure recipe for melancholy to slip in, given the fatigue and the buzzing of the night.
Images of me sitting alone in a train carriage. Walking through the backlane of some derelict shophouses. Lying alone on my bed at home, in a lazy sunset.
In short, all images of loneliness.
The egocentric me have half the thoughts of making all these thoughts into a movie. But heck no. It'll make editting really painful and difficult to my weak mental state.
Each breathe i take seem so difficult as each day passes. Something within me yearns to cry out. I'm just waiting for a trigger to let the floodgates of tears open up wide. The release, i've been seeking, yet couldn't find.
It's not about the stress from work alone. It's not about people as well. I always prefer to think that the problem lies with me. The world doesn't revolve around me. I still remember spitting that at me years ago. Rachel tan, i think. It's not a healthy thought, but somehow it makes the blame game so much easier to play. And it esteems others. So, why not?
On the other hand, let's talk about something else. There are things that i don't wanna do at times not because i'm not willing, but because i know that i'll indiscriminately fall into some trap that i have no intentions of going into. Call it the lack of professionalism on my part, if you want it. I called prevention is better than cure. Now that i've done it, and i've fallen into it, it's affecting me badly. I find myself being so much more aware of it. And there are days my mood depends on it. And it'll definitely affect my friendships for that matter. Not that they are very strong anyway.
I feel, i feel, i feel.
Confused, upset and hurt. By myself.
Shannon left at 3:08 a. m..
lunes, octubre 23, 2006
[ 1285. Long Overdue ]
I've finished my 816 lab, submitted my last 816 AB assignment, breezed through my 101 test, didn't do so well for my 107 writing assignment, but heck it! it's gonna be a goooooood weekend!! hahahaha~
Shannon left at 12:25 p. m..
miércoles, octubre 18, 2006
[ 1284. I'm Trying To Write ]
Let's get the lousy bits over first. I've got 5 more journal articles to do by friday, a 101 midterm on friday morning and 3 projects plus papers due in less than 2 weeks. 102's group dynamics leave much to be desired, 108 is getting on fine, except that we really need to start working on the website and photorgraphy. I miss my camera, though i seriously don't like the colour management of lumix. Remind me to get it back from geraldine. 111 is at a standstill now. I'm just hoping that miracles will happen. For now.
Alright, that's all for school work. And it sounds really sucky, huh?
We're talking about this in lecture today. Vivian's talking about romantic relationships. Though i'm not listening, as usual, something interesting came out. Pick up lines. And poor imran was arrowed to give some. Here's some excerpts from the lecture.
Imran: Is your dad a baker?
Rai: No... why?
Imran: oh i thought he was a baker cuz i think you've got a nice butt.
Aw. Whatever. Crraaaappp.
OH. Here's a better one:
Guy: Do you have a raisin?
Girl: No.
Guy: How about a date?
Gee. that's not too bad... hahaha. Though i think pick-up lines are like so passe.
Been talking to people about stress and depression recently. About school work, people politics and stress. Some say pray. Some say smoke, cry or run. Some say scream. Some say listen to music. Some say binge.
Tried all, but realized that none really work well. Morbid as it sounds, i seem to like to dwell in melancholy. Loneliness seems to be a way of life, though i'd love to be in crowds anyway. Somewhat like being transient. I love sitting at airport transit areas, seeing people come and go. Sipping my coffee, seeing people whom i know come and go every so often. I can't stay with one pack for long. I'll stray. Maybe it's the fear to commit. The fear of being hurt. The fear of insecurity.
I don't know. Ever since 2004, i've stopped trusting.
People are a scary bunch. I love each and everyone of my friends very much, but the games some people play, makes me find it hard to love them anymore. I'm pretty clear of my emotions, but "i don't know" is always the best facade to put up, to keep off discerning minds and inquiring pests. When i'm moody, it's not because i want attention. I need the company and yet not the conversation. Sometimes, because i simply wanna wallow in emo moments.
I'm gonna drive the whole day tomorrow. It'll be therapeutic. My music and the roads are enough to take my attention off troubles, self-imposed or otherwise.
I find life very depressing, in case it's not very conclusive thus far. After uni, what's next? After getting a job, what's next? After marriage, assuming that i even want it, what's next? After having kids, what's next? After retirement, what's next? And after death, what's next?
It's a lousy cycle. I know it's between the 'what's next' moments that matters. It's the people that makes life more interesting. That's why there's always the need to talk about communication, relationships, human interest and many more. We are such complex creatures. So complex, it scares me.
Ran in the freakin haze yesterday with zl. It was a good outlet, though my stamina's getting worse. I can feel it. It's getting really bad, the way i feel that my breathe's going.
Gee, while i'm blogging, every other computer screen i see in front of me is either on msn, online quiz, computer games or blogsurfing. And i saw faiz in his brown shirt. At first glance, i thought he was topless. Gee.
Don't anyone thing relationships are scary things? There's the need for identifying common grounds. Then develop the relationship, then the commitment. I know it sounds easy, but the process is tough. You should be able to vouch for it. I see so many failed cases, though i never had one, i feel so skeptical and scared to even want to have one now. Or even in the future. No offence to anyone, but the girls i work with in school, i'm freaked out. Big time.
And gee. Now we're on the topic of relationships and communication between a couple. Saw this video between a couple talking about their future, or rather the bleak future they have. The girl has a very high expectation of the guy, and a career-first mentality. Much as i feel that girls should be given opportunities and fight for their careers, but i geel that they should not be too overbearing in a relationship. For this video , it's sad, and it simply reiterates the scariness in relationships today. Gee.
(No, chris, i'm not saying throw away your career for him. get your degree before marriage at all costs. please.)
Shannon left at 5:01 p. m..
martes, octubre 17, 2006
[ 1283. I Saw It Coming ]
And i've not much of a life, to start with.
Shannon left at 7:55 p. m..
domingo, octubre 15, 2006
[ 1282. Power of Music ]
Shannon left at 10:39 a. m..
jueves, octubre 12, 2006
[ 1281. World Trade Center ]
Been thinking a lot today, recently for that matter. Months since i last watched a movie, so the movie was a good emotional outlet. The movie wasn't particularly great, somewhat brings back memories of the documentary i watched on the collapse on the new world hotel back in 1986.
The story of despair, trauma, and finally, hope. The modus operandi was just so... similar. Well, did wondered about how certain scenes were made, and if graphics were deployed, they were pretty good. ;)
Ayes, i'm having the writers' block for now. And merv's peter russells' video is drawing me away from my mac as well. Hehs.
Shannon left at 2:09 a. m..
martes, octubre 10, 2006
[ 1280. Can't Get My Eyes Off You ]
Transitions, clips, matching, moving images, sounds, words, frames. All to tell a story. And with technology as such today, it's so much more idiot-proof, so much more fun.
Now to embark on my 2nd story. =)
Shannon left at 5:12 p. m..
domingo, octubre 08, 2006
[ 1279. Sway ]
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you
Shannon left at 12:09 p. m..
sábado, octubre 07, 2006
[ 1278. Sharing ]
What's a little sharing of work, especially when it's at the stage of infancy? Must we really guard our works so tightly? It's tiring, people.
I value people more than my grades. Trust me.
Shannon left at 12:38 a. m..
jueves, octubre 05, 2006
[ 1277. Suicide ]
I say, about as many people commit sucide along the week because they can't bear to face another day in work.
Looking from the rooftop today, having a good view at jurong island, OCS tower, and jurong's landscape. The feeling's good. The ground looks good too.
The jambands today were good. Esp weiyang's one, though i kinda suspect that the lead singer is high on drugs. Leigh's voice was captivating, despite the sucky sound system. I seriously think that a good start for the 14th ci comm is to invest in a better system.
My eczema is working up again. My skin's all red and itchy, and i wonder if it has got to do with the haze at all. A convenient excuse. It's painful too.
And i'm out of sorts, still.
I skipped 2 lectures today, just to travel down to tutor someone. I must really reweigh my priorities.
And i guess i'm really too harsh on myself. I need to be happier.
Shannon left at 1:09 a. m..
miércoles, octubre 04, 2006
[ 1276. Lost ]
Looking lost. Wonder why i feel so lost too. Feeling very out of sorts. Been like that since last week, and have been trying to look for ways to alleviate it.
It's not right.
Not right to feel this way.
And i shouldn't expect people to always come meet my needs. It's not right.
Suddenly, i feel so alien. Like a sphere in a box of cubes. Don't fit.
I need a retreat. An effective one.
Shannon left at 12:25 a. m..
martes, octubre 03, 2006
[ 1275. Bowen ]
Shannon left at 7:39 p. m..
lunes, octubre 02, 2006
[ 1274. Leigh ]
Shannon left at 11:25 a. m..
the guy
xuan shannon male single 030985.ntu cs year1 / vocalconsort tenor2 / hopesg nyc ntub1.
msn me.
his wishes
new clothes, new shoes, new bike, new friends, fantastic grades.his horizons
malaysia, penang. australia, brisbane/gold coast. thailand, hatyai. malaysia, genting. malaysia, johor. malaysia, melaka. thailand, chiangmai. australia, perth. canada, edmonton/cold lake. australia, rockhampton. thailand, bangkok. austria, vienna. czech rep, olomouc. austria, salzburg. germany, munich. switzerland, zurich.people.
andieboh.angeleighkhoo.
cathryn.
charmain.
cindytan.
chuanyangchee.
deana.
dereklim.
dingneng.
eddygoh.
erwinnah.
felixwang.
hanseltan.
hazelang.
henrylim.
joelcheong.
johnson.
keesiangchua.
koonylow.
layminglee.
liyantan.
mabeltan.
mandrictan.
marvinkhoo.
mervlee.
mingyangkoh.
nigelchoong.
nurshaikhah.
pastorbenlee.
qiuqungoh.
ricelim.
ruiwenlim.
samuelkwan.
sherleenng.
shiyun.
shuyifoo.
sikeng.
suxinchua.
suya.
wantinglow.
windcheong.
xuanlim.
yongjianchia.
zekegao.
ziliangchong.
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