miércoles, octubre 18, 2006
[ 1284. I'm Trying To Write ]
Let's get the lousy bits over first. I've got 5 more journal articles to do by friday, a 101 midterm on friday morning and 3 projects plus papers due in less than 2 weeks. 102's group dynamics leave much to be desired, 108 is getting on fine, except that we really need to start working on the website and photorgraphy. I miss my camera, though i seriously don't like the colour management of lumix. Remind me to get it back from geraldine. 111 is at a standstill now. I'm just hoping that miracles will happen. For now.
Alright, that's all for school work. And it sounds really sucky, huh?
We're talking about this in lecture today. Vivian's talking about romantic relationships. Though i'm not listening, as usual, something interesting came out. Pick up lines. And poor imran was arrowed to give some. Here's some excerpts from the lecture.
Imran: Is your dad a baker?
Rai: No... why?
Imran: oh i thought he was a baker cuz i think you've got a nice butt.
Aw. Whatever. Crraaaappp.
OH. Here's a better one:
Guy: Do you have a raisin?
Girl: No.
Guy: How about a date?
Gee. that's not too bad... hahaha. Though i think pick-up lines are like so passe.
Been talking to people about stress and depression recently. About school work, people politics and stress. Some say pray. Some say smoke, cry or run. Some say scream. Some say listen to music. Some say binge.
Tried all, but realized that none really work well. Morbid as it sounds, i seem to like to dwell in melancholy. Loneliness seems to be a way of life, though i'd love to be in crowds anyway. Somewhat like being transient. I love sitting at airport transit areas, seeing people come and go. Sipping my coffee, seeing people whom i know come and go every so often. I can't stay with one pack for long. I'll stray. Maybe it's the fear to commit. The fear of being hurt. The fear of insecurity.
I don't know. Ever since 2004, i've stopped trusting.
People are a scary bunch. I love each and everyone of my friends very much, but the games some people play, makes me find it hard to love them anymore. I'm pretty clear of my emotions, but "i don't know" is always the best facade to put up, to keep off discerning minds and inquiring pests. When i'm moody, it's not because i want attention. I need the company and yet not the conversation. Sometimes, because i simply wanna wallow in emo moments.
I'm gonna drive the whole day tomorrow. It'll be therapeutic. My music and the roads are enough to take my attention off troubles, self-imposed or otherwise.
I find life very depressing, in case it's not very conclusive thus far. After uni, what's next? After getting a job, what's next? After marriage, assuming that i even want it, what's next? After having kids, what's next? After retirement, what's next? And after death, what's next?
It's a lousy cycle. I know it's between the 'what's next' moments that matters. It's the people that makes life more interesting. That's why there's always the need to talk about communication, relationships, human interest and many more. We are such complex creatures. So complex, it scares me.
Ran in the freakin haze yesterday with zl. It was a good outlet, though my stamina's getting worse. I can feel it. It's getting really bad, the way i feel that my breathe's going.
Gee, while i'm blogging, every other computer screen i see in front of me is either on msn, online quiz, computer games or blogsurfing. And i saw faiz in his brown shirt. At first glance, i thought he was topless. Gee.
Don't anyone thing relationships are scary things? There's the need for identifying common grounds. Then develop the relationship, then the commitment. I know it sounds easy, but the process is tough. You should be able to vouch for it. I see so many failed cases, though i never had one, i feel so skeptical and scared to even want to have one now. Or even in the future. No offence to anyone, but the girls i work with in school, i'm freaked out. Big time.
And gee. Now we're on the topic of relationships and communication between a couple. Saw this video between a couple talking about their future, or rather the bleak future they have. The girl has a very high expectation of the guy, and a career-first mentality. Much as i feel that girls should be given opportunities and fight for their careers, but i geel that they should not be too overbearing in a relationship. For this video , it's sad, and it simply reiterates the scariness in relationships today. Gee.
(No, chris, i'm not saying throw away your career for him. get your degree before marriage at all costs. please.)
Shannon left at 5:01 p. m..
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