my.escape

lunes, agosto 30, 2004

[ 667. Emilia ]

These sweet little students of mine celebrated my birthday today. Love them so much.
Here's one of them.

Shannon left at 10:21 p. m..

[ 666. Insensitive ]

Said something really insensitive to my mother yesterday. Never knew the repercussions of those words till today. I was really turned off and pissed off by the state of my room and my belongings at home over the weekend, and i really wished i could move out as soon as possible. The suicidal thing about it was, i vocalised it as part of my weekly whinings to mother. *crack*. There goes her heart. I'm so sorry, mom...

Think i've been pretty selfish recently. I've forgotten the concepts of giving, the joy of loving and the delight in making others happy. All i've done was to make sure that i myself won't get hurt anymore... but no. The more i try, the worse it gets. I ask God why this is happening. I know deep in my heart why actually. I remembered those times of sharing and loving and giving and receiving. Those times of joy were doubled, and indeed, it was a lot happier then.

God, humble me. I want to give like before. Like i used to be.

Shannon left at 9:41 p. m..

domingo, agosto 29, 2004

[ 665. Mabel ]

Shannon left at 2:49 a. m..

[ 664. Mahjong ]

Mahjong is the cause of why i'm going to be late for church tomorrow. Uh-oh...

Shannon left at 2:33 a. m..

sábado, agosto 28, 2004

[ 663. Trio ]

Shannon left at 11:51 a. m..

viernes, agosto 27, 2004

[ 662. Hope ]

Exactly a week more to the end of my 18th year on earth. A dozen and a lil more days to the end of the sixth year with God. That's bad, or good, i wouldn't know. These 18 years have not been good. Physically embedded in a good family, emotionally so empty. Found God, lost him, regained him, embraced him, disappointed him, stayed away from him. The first few years of life with God was truly a taste of heaven: the innocence, the purity, that childlike faith. After that when setbacks start setting in, when reality eats you, when the world catches up and overwhelms you. You feel like crying. And some people tell you its ok to cry. Others say its a sissy thing. You decide to put on the brave front, the "i'm ok, you're ok" front. You put on the facade where people think you got it all together, but in fact you know deep within yourself you haven't. You have results, you have friends, you have charisma, you have family, you have confidence. But not self-esteem. But not love. Love from others. Love from above. Not that freely He doesn't give, but rather, freely we do not take. We don't dare to. We don't think we deserved. But well, the more fearful we are to receive the love, we further we run. Run into the hands of sin. Evil. Self-denial. Denying our status in God. Even today i wonder how do people keep the faith and run. Just simply keep on running, and let God be the wind beneath our wings. In fact, he gave us the wings. So we may soar, so we can choose to rise or descend. No longer a matter of fact, but a matter of choice. People fear flying. Flying into the unknown heights of the skies. Into the unexplored territories of God. Into the unpredicted discoveries he has in place for us.

I'm one of them.

Shannon left at 8:28 p. m..

[ 661. Dead ]

Another amateurish attempt at artistically inspired photos.

Shannon left at 8:11 p. m..

[ 660. Buddy ]

My 16-year-long buddy's birthday. I just have it make it bigger, better and lovelier each year. =)

Shannon left at 7:32 p. m..

jueves, agosto 26, 2004

[ 659. Irate ]

Been pretty disturbed by what garreth has been blogging recently. I'm not going to fill you in on what has happened thus far, all i can say is that i'm paying for it by bearing with all those guilt trips he has been sending me on recently.

How can you claim to know other's personality and character merely by observing him for a short period of time? By putting a judgement over him, the game is over. You have fixed a certain paradigm upon a person, in which anything that inidividual does out of the norm will be deemed as "pretentious, fake and misleading". It's unfair. Learn to give others a life, a chance. Most importantly, learn to give yourself a new start.

You want the truth? YOu want to know how i really feel? OK, here i'm telling you. I'm pissed, pretty angry with what you said, your pathetic defence for your actions, your illogical way of thinking, the naive ideal solution you had, and your farked-up attitude in this entire escapade. I never knew you were so childish, so whiny and after that, you turn around and start picking on the things i do, belittling me and empowering yourself as if i'm a REC vs you the LTC. Grow up, brother. Learn to move on. I know i was wrong, and i'm truly apologetic for it. I have my problems and struggles just like you do. But you don't see all that. All you see is the strong front that i've put on, the devil-may-care attitude that puts you off. If you are judging me based on what you see, i'm only sorry for the people that you judge.

You want the truth; the truth is now what i'm giving you.

Shannon left at 1:10 p. m..

miércoles, agosto 25, 2004

[ 658. Mahjong ]

Wheeeeeeee!!! Finally we are playing mahjong this saturday at my place... muaahaha.

Anyway, it's been a slow week. Been accomplishing mediocrity over the past 2 days. Tonight i'm on guard. Hopefully no turnouts. But well, you can't control that, but i just want to watch my amazing race. Yeah.

Feeling pretty bored. Yet so forward looking. 9 days to my birthday. =p

Shannon left at 11:53 a. m..

domingo, agosto 22, 2004

[ 657. Tired ]

Whew. It's been a long day. Slept pretty late last night. But well, woke up even later today. Haha. So was horrendously late for church (again) and feel so guilty. Aiyoh. I always miss praise and worship. Haiks.

Celebrated mervin's birthday today with laisan, suping, shufen, jasmine and his boyfriend at cafe cartel. Oh my. we sat at EXACTLY the same table i took with samuel yesterday. Haha. Ate a lot. Feel so guilty. Ouch.

Whew. So tiring. Running around the whole of dhoby ghaut mrt station to take photos. It's like reliving last year. Same kind of photos, with more people this time. The camera went flat halfway. So sad. So we went to play arcade for a while before going home. I'm so darn tired...

Shannon left at 9:18 p. m..

[ 656. Xuans ]

Two of our masterpieces. Decide which one you like. ;)

Shannon left at 2:08 a. m..

[ 655. Saturday ]

Rare saturdays. It's another long weekend, and i took advantage of it by staying at home on a saturday morning. Well, was on the phone till rather late last night. The last time i used the phone at such unearthly hours was back in secondary school days when internet connections were at best a 56.6kbps. Nonetheless, that's the reason why i planned on sleeping in late today. Well, well. All's not going according to plan. Mom decided to pull me out of lala land at 8am to accompany her for breakfast. Mom, i'm on a DIET and i didn't INTEND to have breakfast. But being the nice lil son and if i wanted to go shopping for clothes at her expense, i reckon that it'll do me good if i went with her. Pulled myself out of bed and went down. Shared a plate of carrot cake and tea. That's before i went back home, slapped the stupid computer (who happens to be still in the pms mode) and switched in on successfully before deciding to download my snes emulator and mario game to entertain myself. Alas, the tiredness set in barely an hour later and i was back in dreamland.

Rudely awakened (AGAIN) by mom, this time from her returning home after some class. Nonetheless, i decided to get up for good and prepare to meet samuel for lunch. Appointment's at two. He left his ship at one-thirty. So we ended up meeting at three. Walked around ps before deciding on lunch at long john's. Urgh. Didn't intend to have fast food... it's fattening, and i'm fat enough. Urgh. but since he chose it, i was lazy to contest against it. After that... guess what we did? We merely relocated and went to cartel for desserts. Oh gawd. How lazy can i get. I mean, i was tired... so i suggested we find a place and sit and talk crap. And ended up doing what i did best: take photos after photos after photos...

Oh yes, we watched the li jiawei match at cartel. What a waste i guess. She lost by that very very narrow margin. 2 game points. 1 set. That's all she lost by. Ouch. Samuel and i were just bitching and thinking how sad it was to lose by that kind of margin in such a big game. Ouch...

Dragged samuel to go meet up my primary school friends. Felt kind of bad that i had to give up the class gathering in order to watch mabel's concert. Well, but since i have not much emotional attachment to that group, i reckon i'll just be a nice guy and meet them up for a couple of minutes before moving on to city hall. Well, at least i should be nice enough to turn up and shake a few hands, apologise for not being able to stay, then go off. Also, it's time for them to see how much weight i've lost anyway. I guessed as much. Some of them just can't recognise me. =)

Since i've dragged sam halfway, i thought might as well take him all the way with me till city hall where i met huiyin up. The two of us arranged to meet for dinner, ended up drinking soup at my favourite soup haunt: the soup spoon. Bought two plain but striking sunflowers for mabel and liphang before meeting joshie and moving over to jubilee hall. And i saw him. Yes, marcus. And i was like "OH-MY-GAWD-I-DONT-WANT-TO-SEE-HIM-WHY-IS-HE-AT-THE-TICKETING-COUNTER!!!" but nonetheless the quick me sent huiyin over to collect the tickets instead... muahahaha... i'm so evil, xuan, i'm so evil.

Apparently, this metrophilharmonic youth choir seems rather oriental in nature. The proportion of chinese songs in their reportaire was a bit too much for a local youth choir. Well, can't really blame them when the composer whose songs the choir was featuring that night was this old chinese educated man. Songs are not exactly your common choral pieces, and some not that pleasing to the ears after all. But all in all, it was compensated by the performance in the second half. Kudos to MPYC given the strength that they had.

And yes... i'm kind of tired typing such a long blog, at such an unearthly hour. Argh. Went for supper with mabel, joshie and huiyin before getting on a cab with this irritating driver...

Shannon left at 1:33 a. m..

sábado, agosto 21, 2004

[ 654. Dreams ]

Oh my life
Is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh my dreams
It's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I've felt like this before
but now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
the person falling here is me
A different way to be

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more
Imposible to ignore
Imposible to ignore
And they'll come true
Impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

Oh my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way
And oh my dreams
It's never quiet as it seems
'Cause you're a dream to me
Dream to me

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...

Shannon left at 1:25 p. m..

[ 653. Signals ]

I've rarely discussed about my signalling stint in my unit, nor about my fellow operators in the unit as well. After browsing through lix's blog and his two cents worth regarding our signallers, here's mine as well.

Apparently i have no qualms about people looking down on signallers. You can draw two conclusions from this, which is either:
- I, as a signaller, have a very low self-esteem and take no pride in my job, or
- The signallers themselves are not earning ample respect for themselves.

Well, i love my job. No, not as the copa, but as a signaller, as an operator of communications. Though i do not get to handle the radios as often as back then in the institute, but the fascination of how much wonders the radios can do never ceases. If given the chance, i'd jump at the opportunity to go for another signals-related course, even if it means losing my privileges and bearing with regimentation for another two months.

As for NSFs, it's no wonder that some of them wants to just serve the bare minimum. Not believing in excellence, not believing in responsibility, some take the easy way out. Sadly, there are many in a certain platoon. A platoon with many senior, yet irresponsible private signallers. Well, as again, it's always the same few. The disease has spread to the junior signallers in the platoon i guess. Those oversized operators, who simply take the easy way out by giving excuses. They sought downgrades and a transfer in departments in order to 'have a better life'. Ain't life good enough in that platoon? When will you learn to be content, i wonder. If fellow signallers truly desire to slim down and prove their fitness, why can't you feel the sense of shame and do likewise? At the very least, join the bare minimum. Ultimately, if you want to be bogged down by high blood pressure, diabetes, potential heart attack and die before 50, that's your problem. Suffer now enjoy later, or vice versa, the decision's in your own court.

I'm more impressed by the signallers who has been posted to the various coys instead. The way their comms spec has believed in them, has encouraged them to strive for the best. The way they themselves give their best to support their coy and their commitment to their daily jobs as coy clerks as well. Comparatively, they are a bunch of nicer, and better signallers than those in the mentioned platoon.

If one probe further, maybe the operators in the platoon are not to blame. What can you do when a certain crawling creature keeps firing tasks unrelated to signals to you to do? Naturally you'll feel the meaning of the job to be void, since one can't comprehend the reationale behind doing so. Remember those books i've been reading? It said somewhere that if soldiers cannot understand the reason for a certain discipline, or in this case, to do a task, one will not give its best. It will just be a case of blindly following. Even if a certain penalty is issued for non compliance, the effect will wear off and its a matter of time before people disregard the discipline entirely.

Well, if something has to be done, a change in management would suffice. And time to severely deal with commanders and men alike who takes advantage of corporate resources for personal gains.

Shannon left at 9:07 a. m..

viernes, agosto 20, 2004

[ 652. Writeups ]

Finished 3 books and 2 summaries worth 20 pages within 3 days. And i got to thank hansel for lending a hand with one of the books. Nonetheless, think i've gained pretty much about some insights on military psychology through the books. I have a new computer at my desk! Not those military ones, but one that is stand-alone with no intranet access so i can do my work without boss complaining that i'm always nowhere to be found. Think i still have a lot of backlog to clear next week. I'm feeling beat. Tired. Argh.

Things have been happening for the past week. But if you think about it, haven't things always been happening each week? It's the perception of the issues, i guess. If it doesn't warrant a response, which is true most of the time, then don't respond to it. No point trying to brood over what you cannot control. Get on with life, xuan. There's so much to live for, so much to love, so much to treasure. Why stop now?

People inevitably will be hurt at times. You can't prevent that from happening, if it bound to happen. You got to learn to accept responsibility, and try to move on from there, dear. This is different from taking it easy. It is about letting go and moving on.

Shannon left at 10:29 p. m..

miércoles, agosto 18, 2004

[ 651. English ]

Quoted this from hansel. No, hansel do not have a blog. But apparently he invaded eric's blog:

HELLO HELLO HELLO
Special report form an infiltrator. Ha ha. This is Mr. CHEEEEEEEEEEEM. Also known as the eternal DS, lao jiao trainee (**** u too Lionel), ANG MOH KIA and so on and so forth. First of all, let me explain the prerogatives behind this infiltration. Examine the deplorable grammer exhibited by this delapidated blog site. By jeeves, the word 'blog' doesn't even exist. Jargon is getting more and more pervasive. Save the world. I am a virus. The SPEAKKA GOOD ENGRISH virus. I flood your life. I use meniacally cheeeeem words like lugubrious and incipient which none of you have any doggone clue to whatever it is. Haaaaaaaa. This is degredation at its best. Now I shall proceed to grammatically change and rectify this damnable language we have here. RHETORIC people!!!!!! The world depends on us. First of all -
Note: Hansel was cut off.

A few pointers to note. First, it has always been a problem for commoners like me to understand language gurus like hansel. Everything he says or writes or types or whatever, i have to read it at least twice in order to understand. Worse, sometimes i can't comprehend no matter i read it infinite times, forward or backwards. Next, the need for a language is due to the need to communicate. So, as long as people can comprehend what you are typing, or in this case, 'blogging', it fulfills the purpose of communication. (Notice that the word 'blogging' is in quotes because hansel mention that the word does not exist in the dictionary. I tell you, it's only a matter of time.) Finally, in order to be a master of a language, one has to be capable of effectively communicating with people of various language abilities. Think about it.

Shannon left at 6:59 p. m..

[ 650. Ajs ]

Some may find this disturbing; others perfectly fine with such a situation. I shall not adhere to the safe rule of being conservative in a society as this, just for this.

Being gay seems to be such a common trend nowadays.

And no, by mentioning the word gay, i do not mean happy. Don't fool yourself, kids. Keep the innocence aside just for this once. I'm explicitly referring the word gay as male homosexuals. And for this post, it shall include guys who (think they) are bisexuals as well.

5 years ago, this was such a taboo subject. Being gay in singapore, even in 1999, is about as half as bad as being a leper in jerusalem back in Jesus' time. And maybe it's because i grew up and expand my social circle, i began to discover the wide circle of ajs around me. From school to streets to church to camp to organisations. Don't you just agree that you see them more often than not nowadays?

No, i do not have anything against such people. I have better make some disclaimers before i get bashed and raped. But it's just surprising that someone showed me this poll recently that, 57% of the singaporeans polled are accepting of people who choose alternative lifestyles. And by alternative lifestyle we do not mean people who decides to work in the night and sleep in the day. No. Being gay, to some is an interest group. To some, it's a trial. But isn't it just a matter of choice? Just like if a certain boy decides to court a certain girl? Just that in this case the girl is being replaced by a guy.

But polls remain polls. People love to be generous with polls. Ask yourself truthfully. Are we genuinely accepting them as who they are? The acid test: If one day, you discover that your best friend, or even your good friend, opens up and confess that he's gay, will you still maintain this friendship?

The case closes here.

Shannon left at 12:51 p. m..

martes, agosto 17, 2004

[ 649. Computer ]

Oh computer, computer, how i love you so
When you behave and do your faithful job
When you operate, without hangs and glitches
And i get satisfaction, albeit you're not to best
I'll care and love and pamper you
Each day you stick with me, faithfully
But once you sulk and start to stop
I'll make sure you'll suffer,
and terror you lots.

Shannon left at 10:01 p. m..

[ 648. Computer ]

Oh computer, how i love you when you decide to behave and do your job.
I will love you and keep you, and clean you and sweep you.
And protect you from all abuse, and shower you with love and care.
But if you choose to disobey, to strike and to sulk.
I'll make sure that i'll terrorise you, and i'll be your worst nightmare.

Shannon left at 9:59 p. m..

[ 647. Spec Mess ]

Blogging from my spec's mess now... Well, connection's pretty slow as compared to what i used at home. But can't complain; my computer at home's not working properly. Think it decided to go on strike yesterday. Got so fed up with it that i took a cab back to camp. Urgh. It's just on of those upsetting days i guess. But all else went well.

Try reading 4 books on military psychology and summarising them in a week. Ouch. I'm beat. Physically tired. Think i've not been reading long hours for ages. Now when i finally have to do it, i feel so slow in reading my stuff. Not able to concentrate. Any tips from students around here? Haha.

And yes, i still don't believe in showing others that i'm very busy. I like to do things myself, get it over and done with. Is there a need to always show others that i'm busy? I don't feel so. Does that mean i'm pretty slack for a pa? No, definitely.

Shannon left at 2:13 p. m..

domingo, agosto 15, 2004

[ 646. Marche ]

Finally we decided to go to marche. Week after week for post service lunch marche keeps popping out but we never got there. Haha. So finally, we are here. Well, today i was late for service (as usual... haha.. =p) but at least not that horrendeously late. I need my beauty sleep mah... lolx. Anyway, too bad enghow couldn't come today. Haiz. That dear boy was confined because of a failed test. Well, that's saf for you. It's either pass or die. Lolx. Lunch was fun, i mean, these guys seems to love bread. The first thing that came flying to the table was 4 plates of bread. Yes, 4 plates of bread. I was like, wow... you don't have to buy bread here you know. Breadtalk's just around the corner. Wahaha. A ham and cheese crepe, a plate of calamari, 2 bowls of mushroom soup and 3 plates of rosti. That's all we ate. And cost us about 8 bucks a pax. Ouch. But nice.

Oh yes, i bought not one, but two pairs of havaianas slippers!! Haha.. you know, the one sold by newurbanmale at heeren...? Haha, that's the one. One pair for mervin... one pair for me. That's a cool fifty bucks gone like that. Ouch. Think have to put up with cookhouse food for the rest of the week. Haiz. But my best pal's birthday comes once a year only leh... muahaha... so die die must buy him something. Oh yes, why did i buy a pair for myself? Cuz if i don't, he'll just go and buy a pair for me for my birthday... that lazy twerp just refuse to crack his brain for my birthday. So this year he shall do the thinking... lolx.

Here's the slippers. Guess which pair i'm sending him? =p

Oh yes... i'm going for metrophilharmonic youth choir concert next saturday with huiyin! Haha... didn't know mabel and porky were in that choir until mabel came asking me to go support her. Mabel so nice to me... how not to go support her? Haha... waiting to see you perform once again gal! I'm looking forward...

Shannon left at 5:29 p. m..

[ 645. CG ]

It's been a long time since i last went for cg. Today's at chinatown. Hmmm. Chinatown. A place which i visited two days in a row. Well, this time is to savour the hawker food in the pagoda street. Pretty good standards i must say. But kind of sinful, the kind of food we ate. Haha. Settings kind of good as well, with preserved and refurbished shophouses at both ends and tables laid out on the cordoned off streets. Hawking stalls on makeshift immobile carts to imitate what was in the past. An experience of a different kind for the new generation singaporeans today.

Went to meet a couple of friends after that at bugis, supposedly for dinner. Since i've already ate... haha. I just sat there and look pretty. (Well, as if i'm pretty.) Lolx. Not much to mention anyway.

Enjoy the photos. =)

Shannon left at 12:52 a. m..

sábado, agosto 14, 2004

[ 644. Influence ]

Quoted from felix's blog.

"People, remember I once said on average, one would influence at least 10,000 people? What kind of impression or influence did you impose on others? What type of character had you potray? And who has influenced your life?"

Guess i'm one who's guilty of that. Many people have touched my life so far, but how many have i actually influenced? I really have no idea.

My grandmother, for one, loves me a lot. The one who without fail brings me to town for a walk each time she goes to the bank of china near collyer quay. The one that hurt her knee while falling down that time when she carried me to ascend this little hill in front of my flat back in bishan. That one that never said no each time i wanted $2.50 from her to buy nuggets at bugis macdonalds.

My aunt, another who made me discover the joy of reading. Who personally bring me down to the central library just to read and borrow books. Who never fails to buy a book for my birthday each year. The one who made me learn to love reading from young.

The many teachers that come and go in my school days. Mrs sim, mrs lee, mrs suresh. Taught me more than the books. Taught me more than they thought they did.

My many schoolmates over the years. I was unlovable. They learnt to accept me, and even took me as a friend. Dorothy, izati, benjamin, michelle. Jeremy, kenneth, suxin, deb, agnes, deb, elena, carl, zhichao. alvyn, chinyuen. shake, liza. noraida, davis. huiyin, cindy, mabel, winnie, chuhui, peixuan. Josh yong, elaine, joyce, christina, aaron, shanice.

My many mentors in church. I know too many times i let them and God down... but i still have to thank them. Jacob, sam, victor. Nel, rayner, paulyn. Jieyun, jason, marcus, alan, wenjiang. Sorry... and thanks dude. Thank God for you.

My bmt mates whom i guess impacted me a lot. It was the most vigorously emotional roller coaster ride of my life. But it's becuz of them that's why i could go thru it... agnes, marie. The power girls of ninja. Really love them a lot. Bernard, hazwan, kenneth. Weijie, dennis, yinkang, melvin, chester, aikleong, marc, ziming.

My unit mates... those that make unit life so much, so much more bearable. People whom i see and brings a smile to my day. People whom i can safely talk to in confidence during breaks. People whom i look forward to having nights out with. Eric, hansel, mingrui, ziwei, aylwin. Sgt andrew, bso. Felix, boonwee, yangyao, dinesh. Xianjin, thomas, elvin.

And the most important people in my life right now... my buddies. People whom have been with me for a long time, and have really helped me along the way, love me for the way i am. People who's shoulders are there for me when i cry, who's there to share my joy.... mervin... ziwei... enghow... mingxiu.. bowen... thank you darlings. =)

Well.. so many, so many people has touched my life. What have i done? Maybe i did something, maybe i didn't. Is my life the way God wants it to be..? Most likely not.

Shannon left at 11:04 a. m..

viernes, agosto 13, 2004

[ 643. Culture Tour ]

Excursion trips are rare in jc days, what about one during national service? Well, we went to the various cultural sites as part of national education today. Down to chinatown, then to little india's streets and some religious venues. Ok, you know i hate history, and i'm more captivated by the sights rather than the stories. So the usual hyperactive me would not stand still while that guide is enthusiastically pouring out whatever she knows to us. Instead, i was busily making fun of every other radar spec. Oops.

Ok, back to office. Maybe sometimes i should be thankful that people are being indifferent to me rather than hating me. I mean... why do i even ask that people like me? I've seen how my upperstudy's face brighten up each time he sees my fellow nominee for my current job. (And no, i'm not naming names here.) Sometimes the wishful me would secretly envy such reception, while on the other hand wonder why when i seem like a social butterfly, i feel like i've got not much close friends. The only conclusion i've got, is that my close friends are all in the wrong places. Not in places that i can see them often. Maybe that's how God wants it to be. How he feels is the best for me... Well, as i said, perhaps. Let's see what happens 5 months later. =)

I'm dead beat. Been dragged to shop with someone... but it's ok. It's rather enjoyable... kekeke. Though i've waltzed through orchard like a mad man, but i think i've been entertained like a king throughout. wahaha...

Shannon left at 11:45 p. m..

miércoles, agosto 11, 2004

[ 642. Temperature ]

Temperature for last twelve hours:

10pm: 37.3deg
12mn: 36.8deg (yeay!!)
3am: 35.8deg (a bit too low alreadi right...?)
7am: 37.7deg
9am: 38.7deg (WAD!!!)

To be sure i washed the thermometer thrice and take it again thrice. Kaoz... i didn't know my temperature is so liable to fluctuate so badly. Haiz. Think may be the tangyuan i took at chomp chomp last night while waiting for eric and hansel.

Last night's basic theory was relatively easy. Walked out of the room half hour after the start time. Yes. Firstly was because i finished the paper, but more importantly i couldn't stand the aircon. Then i took an hour to travel to chomp chomp to meet eric and hansel. Was very tempted to take a cab, but mom advised me to save money. It seemed like one of the longest ride i ever had... Nonetheless, upon destination, eric and hansel told me that they are at hansel's house to collect hansel's book in stuff. Wow... I was rather more upset than fuming. It was like, hello, i'm sick cold and hungry (literally), i travelled all the way instead you coming to me, and now you tell me you changed location. So i told them to take their time... and just hurry down to chomp chomp when they're done. Went into chomp chomp in my sweater over my shirt. People must be looking at me and thinking i'm crazy. It's such a hot place and i'm still wearing a sweater. Furthermore, i ordered a bowl of steaming hot tangyuan. But it didn't help... Haiz. So after that tangyuan, the rascal me bought a cup of lime juice... which after consumption then i realize it's bad for tonsillitis. How did i know? It hurt more after that drink. =/ Then the duo finally arrived in han's mom's car... and he just collected the key, asked me to take care and rode off. Haiz... i was hoping that he could at least asked to give me a ride out to the main road. After all, i guess it's on the way. Haiz... so i took a cab home. Somewhat disappointed...

Well, along with expectations come disappointments, i guess.

Shannon left at 9:40 a. m..

martes, agosto 10, 2004

[ 641. Breezy ]

The last time i ever opened my window in my room was eons ago. The sole reason why that scene has to be renacted today was my inability to tolerate the cold that my aircon is finally able to provide. So well, though the view from my room is pretty good for a 13th storey flat, i never truly appreciate the amount of breeze it gave me until this day. Think i must learn to appreciate the good things around me despite all these bad circumstances. Thank God for my mom who brought me to see one of the cheaper private docs i ever saw. 20 bucks is considered rather cheap i guess. And also, imagine seeing the doctor less than 5 minutes after you registered. And the doc even comes out of his room to call for his patients personally. Awww...

Having my basic theory later. Wonder how will it go. Haha. Nothing should go wrong eh? =)

Shannon left at 5:36 p. m..

[ 640. Diagnosis ]

Complaints: Sore throat, cough, traces of blood in phlegm, pain in throat right up to the ear, fever, headache, muscleache, loss of appetite, impaired sense of taste.

Diagnosis: Acute tonsillitis. Fever.

Prescription: Alcetamol 500mg, Polarax 2mg, Neokef 250mg, Dhasedyl. 2 days MC.

Condition now: Fever rose to 38.3deg. Phlegm is totally dark red in color.

Shannon left at 12:01 p. m..

[ 639. National Day ]

I'm too sick to protest. First time ever since i stepped out of that dreaded eastern island, i've been attacked with a fever. Well, i could possibly argue that it's somewhat predictable. I've been putting up with on-off sore throats, alternately blocked and runny nose, cough and muscle aches. What complete the course is now here: the fever.

Yesterday's parade was good. Since most Singaporeans has watched it i shall save my comments, due to language and vocabulary limitations. Don't think anyone would like to hear 'nice' and 'good' and 'fantastic' and 'wonderful' anymore. According to my GP teacher, these words are considered essay suicides. Anyway, the fireworks were ~~wonderful~~ ~~fantastic~~ ~~nice~~ awesome. The feeling of being covered over by those exploding sparks high above you is indescrible. The manner it lights up the whole sky atop the stadium was just like a reflection of hope and joy, and displayed by those flowers and colourful blazes. Though i caught it on camera... but the feeling will never be the same. Awaiting next weekend's fireworks festival. Excitedly. =)

Oh great. Anyone knows what does it mean when there's blood in your phlegm?

Anyway, here's my cousin. Cute, isn't he?

Shannon left at 8:29 a. m..

domingo, agosto 08, 2004

[ 638. Zhichao ]

Went out with zhichao and deb yesterday. Haven't since zhichao since we passed out from tekong... and here he is, into his pro term in OCS. What am i? A little signaller at a unit somewhere up north. Well, i'm fine with that. Think he's doing pretty fine as well. Never changed much. He's as late as usual. And when he's late, he will not pick up phone calls from friends. This time round, he's two hours late. =)

Shannon left at 6:33 p. m..

sábado, agosto 07, 2004

[ 637. Wheelock ]

Shannon left at 9:15 p. m..

[ 636. Virgo ]

Ok, i'm not a keen believer of horoscopes. But i have to admit that this is quite true.

Traditional Virgo Traits:

On the bright side...

Modest and shy
Meticulous and reliable
Practical and diligent
Intelligent and analytical

On the dark side....

Fussy and a worrier
Overcritical and harsh
Perfectionist and conservative

Those who know me... it's so me right? =p

Shannon left at 8:34 p. m..

[ 635. Lydia ]

Artiste: FIR
Alubm: FIR

Shannon left at 10:11 a. m..

viernes, agosto 06, 2004

[ 634. Quote ]

Quote felix the great:

"Don't let yesterday's disappointment overshadow tomorrow's dreams.

Man may disappoint you, but God will remain faithful. Remember this."

I'm trying to, people, i'm trying to.

Shannon left at 11:46 p. m..

[ 633. Server ]

I simply hate servers and their managements. Ok, i know i've been using the word hate a tad too much... but this is really driving me crazy.

The server in my office was DOWN the whole afternoon.

You know what that implies for a FRIDAY AFTERNOON in my unit? It means whatever that has to be done for the weekend CANNOT be done. It means that those weekly reports CANNOT be churned out. It means that preparations for the following week CANNOT be made. And these servers really know how to choose when to turn moody. This is a super long weekend due to National Day. Welcome to the irritating world of computer servers.

Oh yes on a brighter note... lalalala... i bought a new CD! Despite my pathetic bank account balance (Oops...) but i still went ahead nonetheless. It's the one by FIR. You know, the one with the cool-faced beauty vocalist and two (act) cool lads... haha.. but you gotta admit their songs are pretty impressive. The variety i mean. The general trend to their songs which make the album special, i guess it has gotta be the non-traditional melodies. Those modulations from stanzas to choruses and so on, they are really unique in their own way.

Was feeling kind of lonely as i walked out of camp... Since everyone was on out-detail i ended up booking out the earliest since i was based in camp. Haha... the perks i get for my job sometimes. Well, nonetheless its been a long time since i felt so lonely... and wondering who can i have dinner with. Awww... so sad right? Well... i know i don't really have much friends... but i still have the same old few to count on. Ended up having dinner with mingxiu! Felt so bad... i woke her up from her late afternoon nap. Haha. But then again... she should thank me for saving her from pigging out on more sleep time. =p Ok, i've sinned. I ate MACDONALDS today!!! Urgh... its like 290 calories and 19g of fats for the nuggets, 350 calories for the fries and about another 200+ calories for the drink. Yilch!!! All those dieting... for nothing! Haiz.. but i enjoyed it nonetheless. =x Let me regret later... So we took a walk around toa payoh central after that. Didn't know that a Courts has bloomed out of nowhere. Haha... We were scouting around for TVs. Somebody tell me, is it possible for get a 21" TV for less than 200 bucks? Hmmm... Maybe not so likely after all. Ok, never mind. Let me worry about that myself. Nonetheless... After that we were like visiting almost ALL 24 handphone shops around the area... Ok, not all. Just about 16 of them. Haha... To look for nice looking phones. Hmmm. I'm contemplating getting the siemens phone that mx is using. Think i have to start getting a second line before i start dying under those diverted calls from CO's office to my handphone... urgh. Let's not talk about that.

Oh. Then we went ntuc because mx had to buy ham. That girl had to buy 6 piece of shoulder ham, and cut it into 2 packs, hence made it 12 slices. You know what they silly girl did? She asked for TWELVE big slices. And after you cut it you know how much you'll get? You do the math. And that girl was like... "Oh shit oh shit..." And before i knew it i bought that unnecessary half from her. Haha. Well... i don't exactly like ham but at least mom can't fault me for not buying anything home. =)

Think i've rattled enough for the day. Cheers!

Shannon left at 9:40 p. m..

miércoles, agosto 04, 2004

[ 632. OT ]

Whew. Worked OT today. Make a smart guess what time i left office. Well... at six i was waiting for Mr Abraham Ronnie's last email to come in so that i can finish preparing a certain file for s3. At six thirty i was still waiting. At seven, after 2 calls, i'm still waiting. At seven thiry we gave up. So what time i left? Eight. Wheee....

Ok, finally understand what my boss actually wants me to do. At least that eases my mind, and save me the trouble of thinking if i'm doing the right thing.

Tired, but upon reflection think that today's pretty smooth sailing for me. Thought i'm screwing things up, ok, perhaps i did, but honestly, i'm trying not to. =) Haha.

Kinda touched by the people around me for the past few days. Those who asked about my interview. You know some people will always ask for the sake of asking, but when these guys just messaged me, i knew they were caring. Was pleasantly blessed by these dudes and dudettes around me. =p

Ok... mom and dad was tiffing away the moment i got home... but i shan't let that affect my mood. =p Anyway... its been a great two weeks for me. And... that's for me to know why and for you to find out why as well. =pPpp

I've lost my train of thought. Enjoy some narcissistic photos of mine first then. =)

Shannon left at 10:07 p. m..

martes, agosto 03, 2004

[ 631. CO ]

I HATE MY CO.

Ok, maybe not hate. Just dislike.

Hmmm. Ok, i'll take it back. It's not dislike. Just buey song.

Grrrr.... -_-"

Shannon left at 8:38 p. m..

lunes, agosto 02, 2004

[ 630. Interview ]

I was dragging my heart to cpc today. Couldn't smile the whole day. In fact, since last night. Perhaps its my melancholy. Perhaps its because i made someone tear for me. I felt so bad. Argh. Also i finally said how i felt to another one who is quite close to me. But i wonder how that person feel. Really.

Woke up very late today. Ironically i slept quite soundly the whole night through. Perhaps its the weather. Woke up and couldn't talk, couldn't think straight. Just heavy heartedly went back camp to take my 11B before heading down to cpc.

It seems like cpt loy is willing to let me go. But he forced me to mention something that i didn't want to think about. My family. My issues. But if i really didn't want to go, i had to say it. Now i'm still brooding over it... haiz.

I'm down.

Shannon left at 9:53 p. m..

domingo, agosto 01, 2004

[ 629. Sunday ]

One of the rare sundays that i don't have any tuition to do. So i shall put today to good use by going out with the brothers. =)

Supposed to have lunch... but the poor me just have to sit there and eat fruits because of this ulcer or whatever that is on my tongue. Until tom came along and suggest chee cheong fun... and boy it did work without any pain! Thank God for tom... haha, he's always the one with bright ideas at the right time. =p

Had a little ice cream break with enghow, jo and yongding at swensens... haha. Oops. Don't, and i mean DON'T, remind me about my diet plans. I know i neglected that. Oopss... hey c'mon, i haven't ate any ice cream for a whole month already...! Give me a break can... (NO!!!) please... (NO!!!) ple..ease....? (ok la.) YEAY!!!

Well... got back about an hour ago. Was intending not to blog cuz i think i won't have much to say anyway. Was intending to explore more on photoshop. And i've learnt something new today!! Something that i've been wonder how it's done for a long time... it's the part about fading pictures into another picture. =) Finally found out what to do liaoz.... haha...

Came across this quote of my own...

Life's so short... you can't afford to be dualistic... you just have to go ahead with what you believe in and follow your heart... if not you'll regret... lose your self-identity...

Ponder about it.

Shannon left at 6:27 p. m..

[ 628. Radar ]

Shannon left at 10:09 a. m..

[ 627. John ]

As requested by the girls' brigade... here's the four photos of john that i took. Cute right? =x

Oh gawd. I'm turning gay. NO....!!!! =p

Shannon left at 12:16 a. m..

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.