my.escape

domingo, marzo 27, 2005

[ 839. Escalator ]

I had the opportunity to take the photo of an empty escalator at dhoby ghaut... rare sight on a sunday afternoon, but the camera refuse to let me fish it out of the bag before the train pulls in and the escalator was bombarded with people.

Actually i took this like last year with weilong's camera, before i bought mine. The sepia was originally from the camera modes. I like that tone of sepia. And the shutter speed of that sony camera was so much faster and better than my canon one... almost everything that i took came out sweet and sharp. Like this one.

Shannon left at 1:32 p. m..

[ 838. IRF ]

In case you're wondering if i disappeared somewhere and missed blogging on a saturday, i was in camp.

Yes, a weekend duty.

No, i did not sign any extras. It was regimental. Nonetheless, i had it good: i did the IRF duty instead. In your terms, it meant sleeping in bunk the whole day without having to prowl or do any sentry duty. Haha. Kudos to that. =)

Spent my entire day editing a video, sprucing up my photo album, cleaning up the signal office and laminating the certs for monday's event. Never get so much stuff accomplished within a day for so long. Haha... perhaps because there wasn't any reasons for procrastination in camp. Haha, no tv, no internet. Baah. Ok, i barely slept four hours yesterday, cuz i volunteered to help jiesheng prowl the midnight shift.

Just got back from service though. I didn't take down any notes cuz i left the pen in the armskote. (gee.... =.=") Haha, well, but think it was those rare days which i arched forward to listen. Yes, listen. Today's message was simple, about Christ's resurrection. About having life when we expect death, and having faith when we expect fear. Yes, it's old tale. What's so fascinating is the unworldly reactions that was preached. That when we know these negative yet natural emotions are taking place, all the more we should ask God for divine intervention.

Wished i could be there with the guys yesterday. At service, at jazz bar. Haha. You know something? It's been a long time since i missed them, the cg. This feeling haven't got to me for so long. And i'm glad i missed them. ;)

Shannon left at 1:02 p. m..

viernes, marzo 25, 2005

[ 837. TCC ]

Shannon left at 9:13 a. m..

[ 836. Roof ]

This was taken some time ago when i went recceing with rsm to some warehouses, and the lighting was simply perfect for this photo. For the first time i need not touch up the photo at all.

Shannon left at 9:12 a. m..

[ 835. Lalala ]

Lalalalalalala.

Leave all those sad, draggy and sulky stuff at last night. Today's a public holiday and today shall be a happy day! Wheeeeee.... =p

On a side note... just as i wanted to comment that it's a bright and sunny day, i looked out of the window and realized how hazy it is... hahaha. so i can't say it's a clear day but well, that means running has to be confined indoors. Muahaha... more reasons to procrastinate against exercise.

So well... have a good day everyone!

Shannon left at 9:07 a. m..

jueves, marzo 24, 2005

[ 834. Melancholy ]

God knows how many entries have i labelled melancholy. Haha. Well, i've got a story to tell. Yes, it's about me. And a friend.

We took boss' car to northpoint today after work. I had boss's laptop, and my own bag, while he decided to travel light. We alighted, and walked towards the bus interchange. He unconsciously walked on a bit faster, and i didn't realized until he deliberately slowed down to walk beside me, and grinned at me. I jokingly mocked him, "never mind lo... walk faster, go, go, walk faster!" And he did. Till we reached the escalator, he pointed to the escalator and being the ego me, i waved bye with that stupid grin on my face. He did likewise. And even at the escalator, he looked back again, waiting for me to ask him to stay. I pretend to walk on. As he went down, i walked back and waited at the top of the escalator. Three minutes. Five minutes. He didn't came up as i hoped he did. I messaged him, and ask if he'd serious about taking train home. He did. And me? Took my long bus ride home...

We are both egoistic people. I knew that he'd really go down that escalator rather than change his path to join me if i didn't tried to make him stay. I guess he didn't expect that i'd just walk on and didn't even hint at asking him to stay. I know that he knows that i needed him more as a friend than he needed a friend like me. I thought he may turn back and we both laughed the whole incident off as a joke, but he didn't. I hoped he'd at least start smsing me, but that text never came. I felt surprisingly calm, though disappointed, when i messaged him to see if he's really gone on the train.

Changes? I'm just tasting my desserts that i dished out ages ago i guess.

I was reminded by something that mx said. What do you actually offer to your friends around you that makes them keep coming back to you, and wanting to spend more time with you? What have you got to give to them, rather than what you want to receive from them is how you retain friends.

BBCDT ended yesterday afternoon, and i was held up by the printing of the certificates till about eleven pm. Finally off to bed, i forgotten to return a key and i was literally called out of bed to go down and return that key. Couldn't believe that no one actually bothered to ask me what's wrong, or even volunteered to help. All i heard was, "it's your own fault, so why should you complain?"

Enghow messaged me yesterday to ask me out for dinner today before he booked in for duty on Good Friday. Though i didn't readily agree, i told him mostly likely it should be ok. I wanted to take off to get home and sleep this afternoon, but was unfortunately denied the off-pass by sgt chua, though he promised that i could go and sleep in the afternoon.

I spent the afternoon compiling the gen-acts survey instead of sleeping though. And when i called enghow to confirm the arrangements, he couldn't make it as he's gonna meet derek and a friend. Was sort of looking forward to meet him after a tiring week, but of course i could express my disappointment directly to him. Well, maybe it's a good thing, maybe it happened that way so that i won't unload my problems to him when i meet him. I seriously forgotten when was the last time he unloaded his on me.

When Tom messaged me about CG tomorrow, i already had things on. I'm very unwilling to make changes, cuz i was tired of last minute notifications, and also i didn't want to spend time explaining to others about changes. I don't want, and don't need people to accomodate me. Back to tom. Yeah, unsurprisingly, summarised my hazy week into 3 long messages and unloaded it to him. Felt bad almost immediately for imposing my woes upon the usual chirpy tom.

Which brings me to another point. Technology is really a bane. Things like sms has enabled us to intrude into other's life. Allowed us to impose selfishly upon others. We could just unload my problems and sorrows on people who are not necessarily willing to listen to you by messaging them. And since it's sent to them, they are obliged to read, more so if they weren't expecting anything of that sort to come about. Imposing selfishly, because we wouldn't know what situation the other party is in now, what emotion state is that person in or simply if he's willing to listen. No longer valid is the model of one can only receive if he reaches out his hand to receive. Now things are being thrust in their face like a cream pie.

I've found myself switching off handphones more frequently. Perhaps i'm scared of work, perhaps i'm tired. Perhaps.

I admit, I have a different work philosophy. I want to do more than the average NSF, and to make my 2.5 years a more fruitful one. To some, my ambition has serious repercussions to the platoon as a whole. While i work on some extra stuff alone, and rarely seen in the office, i'm being seen as a threat. A sore thumb sticking out. Possibly resulting in unnecessary work for others as well. You know the theory of diffusion? Work diffuses from a source of higher concentration to that of a lower concentration. So i've been meekly avoiding arrows. A few occasions i was tempted to take on some tasks, but i changed my mind. Change of plans. I chose to help boss with his work rather. Whatever he had to do, i gave him a hand or two. And so far... things are working fine.

Things haven't been going fine in the platoon recently. Boss in a foul mood, mine not being very great either. Eric's got an unfortunate task from cpt jameson, which to his dismay was tougher than his fyp. And there's the ds issue, which sgt chua and we signallers can't see eye to eye with. The quota of people taking off per day issue, and many more. You can read more from eric's blog though.

Off. I'm gonna talk a little about this off issue. SSG suresh maintained that he wanted at least half the platoon to be in camp on any working day, hence putting a cap on the number of people who can take off in a day. Off, is on a first come first served basis. For example today, i was denied my off in the afternoon as about 8 people were not going to be around. This happened despite boss's agreement that i could take off today if i stayed back and finish up those certs last night. This happened despite my high number of offs and my seniority in the platoon. This happened. I ended up playing pinball the whole afternoon, apart from finishing up those surveys compilation.

And yes, i'm glad i let him took his train home and i went on my bus. Think we both had not too good a week, and needed some time alone.

Shannon left at 7:38 p. m..

sábado, marzo 19, 2005

[ 833. Quiz ]

Stumbled upon this quiz i took two years ago. Surprisingly results are still the same.

apathy

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck.

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shannon left at 2:21 p. m..

[ 832. Tired Soldiers ]

Shannon left at 1:40 p. m..

[ 831. Friday ]

Thought i'd be caught up with bbcdt this week, but ended up postponing my course till next week owing to the post open house tasks. Nonetheless, supposedly wanted to queue at the creative warehouse sale for eric, but when i got there on thursday evening with guofeng all the 100 seats were already taken up. We headed home.

Did something that i guess i'd never have done if i was a student: taken a direct bus 105 from jurong all the way back to serangoon. Went past clementi, holland village, orchard, toa payoh before heading home. From brightness to darkness. Uneventful, yet giving me some time to just gaze out along the roads, clearing my thoughts and just numbing myself in my mp3 player.

Awakened barely beyond nine on friday, and had lunch with s2. Headed to town for a game of pool, while waiting for bso to join us. The stress of playing pool with pros, you know you're facing mean players whenever they start taking their pool cues from their car boot. Haha. Well, knew that they were being nice to me whenever they missed a ball or two so i could get those in. Well, never really taken pool seriously anyway. But guess it never hurts to play it reasonably well too. My SAF-dedicated line was shut for the day, resulting in various urgent calls to my other phone. And i also freaked out when ssg ow called me to say that rsm wanted me to go back to camp to pass him the video. What a scare. Thankfully it wasn't for real. Rsm would liked to have it, but he'd be ok with the slides alone.

Rushed home to change before heading to nooch at wheelock for the 6a gathering. Haven't gathered with them for... 6 years? haha. And we've graduated for 9 years already. Didn't even remember some of their names, let alone the face. But guess some of them still look the same no matter what. ;) Only 8 others turned up for this birthday celebration for tienfa and changquan though. According to them though, attendance wasn't that bad actually. =)

Oh yes one thing about nooch. I was under the impression that they didn't serve iced water. Cuz the last time i went with mervin to the outlet at paragon, we were told that only mineral water was available if we wanted plain water. "..." Well, and it's like the first place that japanese curry could taste sooooo spicy. Dammit.

Went down to meet the usm folks over at clubhouse later that night, and we had a mini-ord celebration for derek. Haha... more of a sabotage i guess. All of us deliberately wore our no. 4 today to distinctly mark the difference... haha, and thanks to tom's last minute notification, i'm stuck with my no 3 instead because my boots were in camp. Lolx. Then there's the "ord parade" we planned for him, and the many photos we took of him. Hehe. That lucky chap is now a free man lo...

Shannon left at 1:18 p. m..

viernes, marzo 18, 2005

[ 830. Du Hast Mein Herz Gebrochen ]

Heard this german song by yvonne catterfeld from the whole lot of mp3s i've stolen from bso. I think it's really nice... the title's loosely translated as "you broke my heart". Pretty melodious, slightly on the melancholy side but didn't really give me any hint about the meaning at all. =p go figure out the translation yourself... i've lazy to do it.

Hör mir zu
Was mir in diesem Leben fehlt bist Du, mein Schatz
Was ist nur geschehen bei dir
Hör mir zu
Ich denk an dich was immer ich auch tu mein Schatz
Was ist nur, was ist nur mit mir

Du hast mein Herz gebrochen als du bei ihr warst
Aus Tagen wurden Wochen oder auch ein Jahr
Oh Baby ich kann nicht glauben das du mich verlässt
Ich seh in Deinen Augen sie nimmt Dich mir weg

Und ich seh das du schon entschieden hast
Du gehst, mein Schatz
Weisst Du denn nicht mehr, wo ich bin
Und ich seh, das für mich Dein Herz jetzt nicht mehr schlägt, mein Schatz
Wo bist Du, wo bist Du nur hin

Du hast mein Herz gebrochen als du bei ihr warst
Aus Tagen wurden Wochen oder auch ein Jahr
Oh Baby - ich kann nicht glauben das du mich verlässt
Ich seh in Deinen Augen - sie nimmt Dich mir weg

Du hast mein Herz gebrochen als Du bei ihr warst
Es tut so weh (es tut so weh)
Du hast mein Herz gebrochen als Du bei ihr warst
Aus Tagen wurden Wochen oder auch ein Jahr

Du hast - mein Herz gebrochen

Shannon left at 10:00 a. m..

jueves, marzo 17, 2005

[ 829. Relax ]

I'm home... office-free and in the sanctuary of my nest.

Thought that since it's after open house, i should be pretty free. Fret no! More things came my way, and somehow it was of relation to the open house. The certificates of appreciations for the seniorities and the external agencies. Well well. So i quietly retreated, and took a little unannounced break for tomorrow. And yes, my free incoming phone shall be switched off. Or at the very least, unentertained. Totally.

And yes... derek, happy ORD. And so i heard you're getting your little pinkie back tomorrow. Congrats dude. ;) Didn't realise it has been a year since i first saw you at the gate of adsd with your friend. And didn't know how to get home. Like totally. Nonetheless, it's been a great year eh?

I'm falling sick. Three ulcers and my wisdom tooth is giving me problems now. Lips feeling dry, that three litres of water didn't help at all. Argh. I'm getting my much needed beauty sleep for tomorrow...

Shannon left at 9:02 p. m..

[ 828. Mod Living ]

Shannon left at 8:47 p. m..

domingo, marzo 13, 2005

[ 827. NTU Open House ]

I spent the entire 90 minutes penning my essay for the scholarship. And i really don't feel like typing anything now. Argh. But yeah. Haha. Today i went over to the NTU open house. Just to take a look see. Well, pretty surprised by the number of people i saw today. Even eric's feeling kinda o_O over the indecent number of people i said hi to.

First it was bowen who came to me with his yucky root beer float. Then i saw henghong, who wants to do chemical engineering. As eric and i headed for the comms studies talk, i saw xingni doing surveys. Weilong and hongyao was there as well. In the lecture theatre, xingyi was there too! Haha, and then after that talk we decided to head for suntec's IT fair, only to find limin around the surveying area. Spotted rahman, though i didn't say hi. Oh yes, jiesheng junior from sr was there too... hahas. Down at suntec, the first half was pretty peaceful apart from the mad crowd and the horrendous number of stopped escalators. On the way back from the convention hall, i spotted kenneth liew running across the road. Xianwei was spotted at citylink mall, though i pretended not to see him. As eric and i headed for soup spoon for dinner, aloysius saw me and called to say hi. As we departed the place, roy came down the escalator and waved hi. Haha.

Anyway eric, if only today was "xuan's friendship day". cheers!

Shannon left at 10:26 p. m..

[ 826. Signal Platoon ]

I'm really beat. Feeling groggy now as i'm typing this, but think i just wanna blog for a while before i go off.

I had a paradigm shift this week. Towards the platoon, actually. In a nutshell, it's one of those rare times where everyone really worked together, beyond office hours, beyond bedtime, and even those people who needed to attend to outside matters came back to help at night. I'm duly impressed. Had a really great time working with the fellow signallers for the PA system over the last couple of days. All of us are tired, working until midnight on friday night and resuming on saturday 6am. Working through the entire day for almost 10 hours. And after that? Going to ktv and sing again until 1am. Hahaha. Think many people are pretty impressed by the efficiency of the platoon. That's what BSO said la, but well, think we are really efficient if we wanted to.

Ok, i'm going down to the NTU fair later on. And my hair is long too. And i met a lot of interesting people yesterday. Thomas. Ruiwen. Jeremiah. And i thought i saw mingsheng. Well well. I'm blabbering liaoz. Bye bye.

Shannon left at 10:47 a. m..

miércoles, marzo 09, 2005

[ 825. Friends ]

These cell buddies are really nice people. Thank God for them, for bringing them into my lives. We've walked a long way, many more things to come... awaiting ORD!

Shannon left at 1:03 p. m..

[ 824. Fairy Tales ]

It's been so long
since i hear you
telling me your favourite tale
I pondered for so long
and panicked as much
Thinking hard if i've done you wrong

You came with tears in your eyes
Telling me those stories were lies
I can't possibly be your prince
Perhaps you didn't know
From the moment you said you loved me
My sky would brighten up

I'm willing to be
That angel you loved in the fairy tale
Extending my arms
Into covering wings that protects you
You must believe
That we'll have a fairy tale ending:
happily ever after....

Let's pen our ending together...

If only i had a princess in my life. Happily, ever after.

I loved fairy tales. Loved them for the happy endings. It's so full of innocence, so lovely, so peaceful. Through the years, we all face the harsh facts of life, the reality that deviates so far from the fairy tales we used to be familiar with. That we lost faith in fairy tales. That we lost faith that there are good things in life. That there's unconditional love. That even simple things such as God's love becomes a complex matter. Not because God is complex in Himself, but we complicate it ourselves. Through the moulding of life we learn to play games. Worldly values that diminish the virtues of love, peace, patience and many other goodness. Does it please anyone to pick up such materialistic values? Apparently not. It becomes a double edged sword, only to hurt both the welder and the target. Friendships become conditional, bounded by fun, monetary benefits, protection and labels. That's a stereotype, and of course there are exceptions to the rule. Many, in fact.

I'm picking up. Picking up from the setbacks of relationships that i have deeply tasted a couple of years ago. Still reminsciencing about those good old times that i had, where i felt loved and able to love. If only. If only i could kept my thoughts to myself. If only i knew that friendships are not supposedly idealistic. If only i knew that i met a friend, and not an angel. Mistakes are mistakes, i'm looking forward, yet wondering if i'll ever meet another one as such. Thank God for some other friends that i've kept, and kept true and blue all these time.

Fairy tales are not lies; it's just that life is not a fairy tale.

Shannon left at 10:46 a. m..

[ 823. Uni Applications ]

It's the mad season of applying for universities now. Now then i realize how much do i NOT know about foreign universities and what they offer. Time to go look see look see.

And how tight are some scholarship applications. Tight in terms of their deadline. Those looser ones will require you to write tons of essay, like how SIA does them.

I'm office-free today. Phone switched off. So leave me an sms if you need me, for only that will suffice. Nonetheless, I'm so tired from all the fuss and russ of the pending open house. Chooop.

Shannon left at 9:29 a. m..

domingo, marzo 06, 2005

[ 822. Smelly Beancurd ]

I declare a war against smelly beancurds of the world. They are (one of) the most disgusting food people can ever serve.

Shannon left at 5:48 p. m..

[ 821. Mediocre ]

Pathetic use of language. Placid. Totally unrefined.

Kids of yesteryears can type all they want, and emerge more linguistically inclined.

Is it a natural affair, or a result of artificial implication of education?

What is education?

Yucks.

Shannon left at 10:15 a. m..

[ 820. Orchid ]

Shannon left at 8:49 a. m..

[ 819. Saturday Service ]

For the first time Hope Church tertiary students got together and have their first ever tertiary students' service! Well well... it's pretty cool, considering how small we first started out with, and we managed to fill more than half the auditorium yesterday! Nevertheless, the elation is beyond just numbers and atmosphere. This reunion meant some things to a lot of people, as i've seen. Personally, i take it as a fresh start, a comma in church life. No, it's not that i wanted to break away from God, but it's a great milestone for everyone to just slow down and realign themselves with God as we embark on a new adventure in this new service, closer to the greater student body of the church. So well... hoping to see greater challenges and surprises this year. Adios~

Shannon left at 8:45 a. m..

sábado, marzo 05, 2005

[ 818. Signals Legacy ]

Actually i've been thinking of this... but it's a very controversial idea and very unlikely to be approved. Nonetheless, take a peek though. Why not let me paste an 8 inch by 8 inch high contrast monotone portrait of every signaller that comes through 3da signal platoon in the office walls? Sounsd cool, but well... heck la. it's too controversial. And no one will carry on that after i leave the platoon. Haiz. Maybe i'll do that for my room. It'll look nicer anyway. Cheers!

Shannon left at 10:28 p. m..

[ 817. Results ]

Yes, the A level results were out yesterday. Not mine, but one batch after me. Apparently the results this year is supposedly better than ours, but with wider spectrum of results. Nonetheless, this has eased my concern over reapply for uni this year since the candidature for A levels has dropped by about 13%. A few people that i knew personally didn't made it for uni. Especially my juniors. SR suffered a big blow this year, as expected. It's rumoured that 60% didn't obtain a full cert (2A2AO passes). And if that is true, think mrs kok has tons of explanation to do to the superintendent. In any case, the emotions and reactions were similar in any year: ecstasy, grief, joy, relief, worry, ambivalence, and many more.

I'll be popping down to suntec city for the ntu talks and career fairs. Do join me if you wish.

People seems to like to run into friendship problems nowadays. Tell me why. ;)

Shannon left at 10:31 a. m..

viernes, marzo 04, 2005

[ 816. One to Seven ]

Eric and shannon the cute pair strike once again...!!!

Shannon left at 11:49 p. m..

[ 815. Photos ]

Yeah yeah. Photos overdued. As usual.

This was the front of the birthday card we gave chris. Think he'd liked that.

Some office photos...

Shannon left at 11:48 p. m..

[ 814. Club Not ]

Well, i'm NOT clubbing today for obvious reasons. Tomorrow is the first saturday service and God i'm soooooo excited!! haha... well, another main reason was actually i'm kind of tired. Yeah, tired you heard me right. Actually i felt like i've accomplished nothing much this week, apart from completing the bomberman game i had on my OA email, and doing some FINAL (i was promised that it was final) adjustments to my v28.4 (or was it v29.4?) copy of the display signs for the open house next week. Oh yes. NEXT WEEK. it seems sooooooo far away... but it's only next week. And i've been running around to the printers today. With RSM. Yeah, interesting people, interesting places, but not exactly what i imagined them to be. Well well. Heck with that.

Well well. Earlier this week i actually dragged eric to watch Rice Rhapsody with me. It's actually a film by kenneth bi... but produced locally. Depicting about a mom having raised 3 sons, 2 of which turned out to be gays. Worried that the youngest may turn out the same, she tries ways and means to hook him up with a french girl in singapore for an exchange & homestay programme. And when mom thought all things were going fine... he turned out liking his best buddy who left him to study overseas. But all ended well... when the french girl helped to reconcile the mom and her three sons...

Aye aye. Enough of my poor sypnosis. Go watch it yourself.

Shannon left at 10:09 p. m..

martes, marzo 01, 2005

[ 813. Chat ]

It's been a long time since i last had such an uplifting chat with someone so close to my heart. Someone who spoke right into my life, and guess i realised that i've grown so much more during this period of time. Just pray that God will continue to guide me through, that i will not only survive, but i wanna thrive. =)

Shannon left at 11:55 p. m..

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.