my.escape

miércoles, marzo 31, 2004

[ 518. joseph ]

Brother brother, this brother of mine is finally going to be enlisted. So well, i decided to feature him on my blog.

He's been a dear guy to me, even though i don't say it. It's been 5 years since i first knew him. And each day, he gets more and more handsome. (GAAA!!! =x) Ok, jokes aside. He's cool, real, stingy and fun to be with. Hope he doesn't change much as he goes into NS man...

Shannon left at 11:49 a. m..

[ 517. chris@cartel ]

Shannon left at 10:09 a. m..

[ 516. Photo ]

Shannon left at 12:26 a. m..

martes, marzo 30, 2004

[ 515. My Life ]

Sometimes i really ponder upon my life, and find that i've been running after my own tail. I want this, and yet i know it's better for my to thread down other paths. When i finally move, i find it revolting and go back to where i am. Then here i am, starting all over again.

It's time to get out of that circus.

Move on, never turn back.

Step on confident. Confidently.

Am i sure?

Shannon left at 3:14 p. m..

[ 514. Chalet ]

Booked in on sunday night to throw one measly grenade on monday afternoon. Baah. Anyway, i had to say that should be my happiest book in so far. At least i know i only have one easy task to do for the week for army. =)

The moment i booked out, i dashed to the 85ers' chalet at downtown east. When i got there... only chris, joseph, hongyao and joy were there! Uh, ok. Joy may not be an 85er but she completed her A's so we asked her anyway. I should have went home first. -_-" Anyway, people start turning up after that and we ate non-stop as food streamed in as well. =p Went over to tampines to pick mervin and two pizzas up for the chalet... and ended up shopping for new tees. As usual, it was a trying spree more of a shopping spree. Then we went back to the chalet and found ourselves LOCKED OUT! Why? Everyone else wa playing pool at the other end of the resort. And then we made chris come back to open the door for us.... and she really came. WITHOUT THE KEY. lolx~ And then we had to make joseph come as well... and when he opened the door for us... he told us the back door was actually unlocked. ARGHHHH!!!

By about eleven all outlets in downtown east actually closed. so we spent the entire night eating, drinking, and playing cards. Oh yeah, agnes and marie dropped by my chalet and visited chris and me... and we talked a bit, and she left a gift for us as well. Show it to you guys next time. =) And then i escorted them over to the platoon one chalet where they were... hmm... well-entertained i guess. Over at our side... they played thru the night, including on that xbox in the room. Was feeling very tired so i slept a lot... while they played and played and played. Sharks. If only i had more rest the previous night.

One thing i regret.. no camera!!!

Shannon left at 1:26 p. m..

domingo, marzo 28, 2004

[ 513. Saturday ]

Went for a movie, a shepherding, a prayer meeting and a chat.

much has been said, much went through the mind, much has been reflected.

regrets, decisions, hopes, regrets.

God, i need you.

Shannon left at 12:46 a. m..

sábado, marzo 27, 2004

[ 512. Phone ]

Nobody's picking up my calls... haiz.. -_-"

Shannon left at 8:19 a. m..

viernes, marzo 26, 2004

[ 511. Quiz ]

Your Energy is Pink. You have achieved a perfect balance between spiritual awareness and material existence. You are usually affectionate and warm, showing compassion and love for others. Others find you genuine, cooperative and friendly. You are a humanitarian and you possess a deep understanding of life. You may aspire to philanthropy, or you may find yourself heading or volunteering for agencies that create change for the good of the whole. You are a leader and are willing to take on much responsibility.

What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeay. Pink. One of my favourite colours. =)

Shannon left at 1:43 p. m..

[ 510. BMT - Postlude ]

Well... finally my BMT has ended. Haah... strange as it might seems, i actually feel kinda sad to leave that place. Perhaps it's the fact that it could be the nicest place in your entire NS life. Perhaps its because that would be the last time in your life you'll see those people whom you spent 24 hours a day, 5.5 days a week together with for the past four months. I don't know. Made a lot of good friendships, and it's those feeling that you get whenever your life is in transit. God bless me to where i'm going after tekong.

I did a lot of things for the past few days. Wrote a lot of stuff, thought about a lot of things, said a lot of crap and took tons of photos as well. Those days consist mainly of parade rehearsals and re-tests, i barely had time to breathe. Standing in the parade square with that stupid helmet is no joke. It's a trick to stand still while those tickling pespiration trickles down your face. Finally cleared my SOC on my third attempt, one second short of the failing time. This is definitely, i repeat, definitely a godsend. i made it a point to write cards or something along that line whenver i move on from a place to another. So this time round, it's definitely a challenge. Though i started on the range week (about a month ago) i finished only yesterday morning. Oops. The consequence of procrastination. Again. Brought a camera in and took tons of photos. I can't wait to get them on my computer and i'll do something to them... wait and you'll see. =p Well, the night before we all couldn't sleep-- we had the 24km route march. BUT i did only 16 because i missed it previously. So anyway, it is really tough, not physically, but mentally. The will to go on is the time nearing towards passing out. Yes, that's what kept us on. And finally for the first time, we were allowed to sleep in up to lunch time. I slept briefly and stayed up to finish up the seagulls that i was folding for my platoon anyway.

Life for the past 16 weeks i would say let me know more about myself. My faith, my desires. My abilities, my willpower. My potential, my capabilities. It has strengthened me, and also humbled me i guess. It has also changed my perspective towards people, towards life, towards guys especially. Those bunk politics, so on and so forth. In the worldly fashion, there's no such thing as altruism. I have yet to see just one act of help without expecting any returns. Even volunteering for fatigue work, it for the sake of not being called the next time round. People ask questions for themselves. They ask you to help ask the sergeants some questions, and when its a stupid question and you ask anyway because (you thought) he's a friend, you get the screwing, not him. In essence, sometimes i scratch your back, you end up breaking my back. That's how cruel reality can get. Well, what can we say? I guess they had to show, because at the end of the day even the nicest people have their bad hair day. Furthermore, we are living with each other all the time.

On hindsight, it's also a time where stronger friendships are forged... i saw friends who are willing to stick with you no matter what. Even if it means waiting for you at the cookhouse queue that stretches around the cookhouse. Even if it means taking the blame and the pnishment for you. Even if it means helping you to do your stand by bed when he himself has not done his.

These are two of the ends of the whole spectrum of people you can find i guess. Of course, many many people fall in between these two, that includes the bulk of my platoon. Nonetheless, it's really a great time that i had. =)

Shannon left at 1:06 p. m..

jueves, marzo 25, 2004

[ 509. Passing Out Parade ]

Yeah, finally i've passed out. Haah. I'm beat. Tell you guys more tomorrow.
And i've got tuition tomorrow. God bless me.

Shannon left at 10:27 p. m..

sábado, marzo 20, 2004

[ 508. Saturday ]

This is the first time in a long while that i have an entire saturday out of camp for myself.

Argh... before that i NEED to complain... my 'H' and 'G' keys are giving me a big problem.

Nonetheless, it's nice to have breakfast with mom in the morning, before going to meet enghow for lunch and going down to the tertiary community sports challenge at NIESPE. Haah, when i reach the SPE, i ran four rounds around the track before leaving fo tuition. And yes, the games have yet to start by then. Had tuition with those three buggers who were ALL late. Argh. So i decided to punish them by setting a test on the spot and giving it to them. Think they will all FLUNK. Went out with chris for dinner after that before shopping around and meeting agnes and fish. Walked around and took some neoprints. Haah. I know this is pretty dry, but i'm too tired to flower it up.

Shannon left at 11:53 p. m..

[ 507. Wake Me Up ]

Song: Bring Me To Life
Artiste: Evanescence feat. Paul McCoy

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

Shannon left at 11:47 p. m..

[ 506. Bare ]

The past week was interesting, and taken on a new twist i guess. Monday was the first time i ever did guard duty apart from field camp. And i jumped at the chance to go over to the SFT to do guard duty. You know me, i just have to know people, so i got to know this new guy from platoon 1. PC Oh. Interesting guy i guess. Haah. Heard much of his name, but never got to know him personally... he's one of my fellow boyfriends of agnes... haha.. =p. Nonetheless, spent half the night to talk to him. Just felt as if he's an old friend. Haah.

The rest of the week was pretty tiring for me. The guard duty disturbed my sleep pattern rather badly and i was feeling lethargic for the rest of the week. But then again, since when i don't feel sian in camp? Haah. Had quite a fair amount of time to think and reflect on the past months. The people, the friendship, the events and the life. I know i'm always getting nostalgic about such stuff, but it's just a habit to think. Especially about the people. Spent more time talking to people this week, and had some not too comfortable moments. I'm not someone who follow cliques. And doesn't really help when there are numerous in my platoon. So in essence, i only talk to individuals and don't really belong to any big group except my own section. Well, last night i had a good talk with some of my section mates over dinner at pasir ris. As we talked, i learnt more about what i experienced for the past weeks, the people, and much more about people around me in this platoon. Realized that people are ugly. Not the physical sense, but the character sense. We only work when there's an incentive to do so, not out of passion. People live for their own agenda, without a damn for this thing called platoon integrity, much less unity. I'm not saying that i'm a saint, in fact i'm sad to say i'm one of those people as well. I have to cover my back, if not i'll get stabbed. I've been stabbed at times, but as i recover and hoping that people will feel remorseful about it, they stab again. Well, think that's what they warned me that army life is all about: politics. I hate it.

Had some fun for the past two days despite the situations. We had our CO's evening and Games Day. I really envy those guys performing up there... they can really dance! I mean, if only i could dance half as well. Haah. Wishful thinking. Been a long time since i last watched a live performance... The games day actually was rather boring for me. Because i wasn't really involved in it... spent more time walking around talking to people. Haah. Ok, think i've got nothing much to say..

Shannon left at 10:13 a. m..

viernes, marzo 19, 2004

[ 505. Bookout ]

Guess you guys must have heard about those three buggers on tekong. That's why i'm here today. If not i'd be throwing grenade tomorrow at the range. Too tired to think, too tired to type. I shall end here.

Shannon left at 11:52 p. m..

domingo, marzo 14, 2004

[ 504. Photos ]

This was the ms Ninja that i talked about... see for yourself. =)

And below is my work for the platoon scrapbook... do take a look...

do leave your comments... thanks. =)

Shannon left at 6:46 p. m..

[ 503. Early In the Morn ]

Ok, let me announce. I've submitted my application for University in the following order:

NUS: Fac of Arts & Social Science
NTU: Communications Studies

I've been thinking very hard for the entire week about this. To be exact, i've been having a hard time deciding between doing chemistry versus arts and soci. Definitely the prospects of doing research doesn't interest me at all. The only reason that i'll chemistry is if i become a teacher. Arts and soci on the other hand i guess is something that i guess i may have more interest in. Alas, now i have another problem, if i do get in, i have to worry about what subject to take. Haah. All the trouble just to get a degree.

I have also applied for the MOE Teaching Scholarship and the CAAS Overseas Scholarship. Not really hoping to get the CAAS one though. Last night, i was aghast to realize that i missed a part in which i have to write an essay for the MOE-TS. So i spent my wee hours penning the essay, and realize that 500 words isn't exactly a lot of words to play around. I wondered how come my gp essays are always so short back then.

I have lots of things to do; yet so little time. God stop the clock right now!!!!!!!

Shannon left at 8:15 a. m..

sábado, marzo 13, 2004

[ 502. OC Night ]

Just got home barely an hour ago, and much has happened within THIS hour. In summary, i almost killed my brother. Now forget about it and let's move on to something more light hearted.

Yesterday was Ninja Coy Games Day and Happy Hour... haah. Shiok eh? Think it's one of those indications that we are passing out real soon. In fact it's less than 2 weeks away. Haiz. Time really flies. It was a special event for us i guess, something that was planned by the trainees for ourselves. Guess that's the best part for it. So guys being guys, they scheduled a soccer league (!!!) with 5 teams: 4 platoons and commanders. The commanders emerged champs. *yawnz*. Let's talk about MY platoon then... we were 3rd. =/ Had some track events as well like piggy back race... quite stupid la, 8 people doing a relay of 50m each, but instead of passing a baton they pass one of their platoon mates. Due to rain (dammit.), we had to cut short the events... haiz. But it was all hell break loose anyway. =)

Now for the happy hour. Those people who knows me well enough know that i can never keep my hands out of such stuff one... haah. My kind platoon sergeant, actually made us do a stand by universe after dinner. So guess what happen to our preparations. Zilch. So i desperately tried to fight for time since thursday, and my platoon sergeant decided that we were smart enough to work within time constraints. So heck. And when we finally were ready for stand by bed, he decided to fall the drill squad people in and cancel the stand by bed. WOW. So with the remaining people, we tried to work something out. But guys being guys (again), no one was interested, and more were like you-tell-me-what-to-do-and-i'll-do-it. So at the end of the day, we were still zilch.

Now the following day, we were desperate for ideas. Ideas like doing a skit of "how we arrived at this skit" even came out. Wow. So much for creativity. So when we were supposed to fall in for games day, it's STILL zilch. Ouch. We are desperate. We still needed a Mr and Ms Ninja. HOW?!?!?! So at the end of the day, we settled out Mr and Ms Ninja after dinner, forgetting our skit. And when we had to perform... we took 3 minutes to appoint the cast and did a spontaneous skit. ouch... Ok, at least we ended up 2nd overall. Haah. =p Cheers!

Now now... we have to highlight a few things for the Happy Hour right? Ms Ninja champ... from platoon four really looks and behaves like a real female... haah... wait till i get my hands on the photos and i'll show you. =)

Shannon left at 1:21 p. m..

domingo, marzo 07, 2004

[ 501. 18 More Days ]

It's fast, and soon. 18 more days and i'm no longer a recruit. Then it will become those times of waiting for your posting, where you pray and swear and curse and hope and pine for a good posting. I mean, who doesn't?! Haah! I mean, i do have some outside commitments as well. Church, 2 groups of tuition, family and such. If they place me in ocs (which is highly unlikely) or sispec (which is highly likely) i can jolly well throw my tuition out of the window.

Haven't really got much time to myself. Each bookout i always make it a point to look to hang around with my buddies. And you guessed it, it's just to eat, watch movie, walk around and talk. I know i love to talk, to pry into people's life, to know how they have been living and such, to keep in touch emotionally. Then i'll measure myself against them, and find out that actually i have it much easier than some out there. I mean, guess my ego balloon is still hanging around somewhere. Something that i really hate, but it comes out too naturally at times.

Each day i discover new things about myself. Initially it was finding out things that i can do, and i should explore... as time passes, it became more of knowing my limits and what i can't do at all. I really hate that.

Shannon left at 8:24 a. m..

sábado, marzo 06, 2004

[ 500. Half a Thousand ]

Finally... finally... this is my 500th post. Cheers! After a year of blogging... quite thankful that i'm able to keep this up. For all you guys out there who knows i'm kinda person who has a short interest span... capable of switching interests faster than britney annulling her marriage. Well, just wanna take this special milestone to mention a few stuff...

thanks to my buddy and boyfriend of 16 years (and still counting), mervin! That's why i started blogging... and by blogging i started to discover more about myself, able to verbalise my feelings and thoughts as well. Frankly speaking, making this blog a public one was the last priority when i first started out. That's why i had this long and weird url for my blog. Nonetheless, you guys are still welcomed to read them.

thanks to my buddies out there like mx, xiaohei, chris and so on... people who read my blog faithfully and enourage me nonetheless... really treasure you guys...

some interesting facts... this blog has underwent about 7 template changes... mostly inspired by how nice other people's blog look. Then i'll stun the template, make vast changes and claim it my own. As an amateur, of course it still looks damn amateurish. Solution? Keep it simple under the name of being classy.

my first month clocked me 51 posts if i'm correct... that was when my entries were super long and there were tons of quizzes that i did then... but now if you realize, i hardly plagarise other people's blog entries...

Well, that's about it for the half a thousand milestone. Let's move on with life.

Went to army market to buy some stuff today with xiaohei, before going over to istana park for care group. Went by suntec to visit the education and career exhibition. Stopped by one of the booths and talked to the consultant about an australian study... then somehow the more he talks, the more me and my some other friends feel like staying in singapore to study. I mean, the independence and experience is good, but having to worry about money... about safety.. about family... it kind of keeps me from going. I really don't know, but somehow the application process puts me off too. I'll still think about it first i guess.

You know something? I've always admired people with some artistic talent in them... especially in the area of photography. With the kind of technology now it just makes the subjects more visually appealing. Dunno why i just love taking pictures... but some of them turn out disastrous. Haah. Guess i still have a long way to go.

Shannon left at 10:59 p. m..

[ 499. Bothered ]

There's something that's etched in my mind, and somewhat bothering me. Yesterday in the hall i was talking to one of my j1 classmates. Someone whom i confide quite a lot in, but got distant since he transferred to another class. As i was talking to him... he asked me about my results, how am i coping in camp, my friends, reputation and so on. So i told him quite a fair bit, and he sounded... different. As in, he started using words like "Yes, yes, uh-huh, that's good, that's good." Kinda reminds me of a .... counsellor. Yeah, not the guy that i used to know. Even his outfit looks more adult, more static and more mature. And i really don't know why it bothers me so much.

Ok... i missed it, but as of 2nd march this blog is one year old. And i've chalked up half a thousand posts so far. Do check out my next post... when i have the time to do it. =)

Shannon left at 9:40 a. m..

viernes, marzo 05, 2004

[ 498. Results ]

Estatic. Exhilarated. Jumping up and down. Finally i got my wishes. Grades similar to the prelims.

Math 9233: A
Fmath 9234 : C
Chemistry: A
Physics: D
Chem S: Distinction
GP: B3
CL(AO): B4

It's really a godsend... my chem s was the only distinction out of us five candidates... and my chem is considered the weakest amongst them. Thank you God!!! =)

Shannon left at 6:28 p. m..

[ 497. Doomsday ]

Finally, it's the day of receiving my results... just booked out, and got home from tekong. Whew. It's been a mentally draining week i guess. First three long days at the live firing range, without a clue of what am i supposed to do since i missed all my simulation sessions last week. So never mind. Just anyhow whacked. My hand was shaking real hard, but after that first shot it seems like fun. Haah. Sounds like a kid with a new toy eh? Yesterday went for more leopard crawling at the gac ground. After that we still had our hand grenade handling test before having ippt. You would think that God is playing a cruel prank on us with that rain-and-pause-and-rain-and-pause-and-rain-and-finally-stop syndrome. Our temporary joy of not having to do the test was murdered by our dear 2ic. I HATE HIM. -_-" So... since i can't get my silver, i just slacked and scrapped through my test. Guess the whole hectic day didn't go to waste. Got our canteen break again, before getting back to clean our arms. Admin time was only half an hour, but it's luxurious as compared to those 15 mins we had during range days. Ok, i guess i've crapped enough to distract me from the nervousness i'm feeling now for my results. Though i know my results are already determined, but you can't help to feel worried about it. Haiz. 3 more hours before i'll go get my results. Wait for my news.

Shannon left at 11:39 a. m..

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.