my.escape

sábado, enero 31, 2004

[ 477. Quiz ]

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways. You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you don't care. But that does not make you a bad person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a little more. Trust me life hurts, most people who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt. But don't worry, life is pain, its also pleasure. Good luck.

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shannon left at 7:17 p. m..

[ 476. Youth Service ]

Just got back from youth service... supposedly to accompany the year 2s to assimilate them into the fellowship, but it turned out to be a gathering of the grasshoppers. You know... a bunch of recruits? yeah. Went for late lunch with enghow and hongyao, then sat around starhub foodcourt for a while before enghow and i buzzed off. i realized what it truly means to enjoy company with your pals. Things like sitting at the railing of the underpass, eating ice-cream and chatting... in a twinkle 8 hours has passed since bookout. Another 48 hours and we'll head back to that island.

One month has passed in the new year; what have i done instead of just questioning? Quoted this from my jie's blog:

Suddenly, i feel tt lotsa Singaporeans, the younger generation, r so sheltered n pampered tt they've become rather self-centered, superficial n think too highly of themselves. I hope i'm not one of them. They dun really consider the feelings of others n they'd manipulate tt of others to satisfy their own selfish desires possibly neglecting the hurtful consequences tt might result fr their actions.

Guess it's a consensus. 7 and a half weeks of a ninja life simply showed me the presence of politics everywhere. I mean, you get all kinds of people in the platoon; to be exact, 47 different species. And when you get selfish notions as quoted, that's when politics begin. Tension has arised and though treated as a parody, but you know that behind that grin or smile is a scowl. When will we learn to be acceptingor others above self...?

And now as Singaporean teen, you will say:

"Whatever."

Shannon left at 6:43 p. m..

[ 475. Bookout ]

OK... now trying to cramp a post while waiting to get down for youth service later on.

This week has been a pretty nice week i guess... not to mention that i was sick. Admitted to the sickbay on monday... i slept through the hours till tuesday evening. Diagnosis: acute tonsillitis. Yes... thanks to that i was unable to eat any solids for 2 whole days. Ouch. Porridge rules man. Apart from that the week was quite ok la... i'm not really in a mood to type much either.

Next week's field camp... see ya~

Shannon left at 12:44 p. m..

sábado, enero 24, 2004

[ 474. Sick ]

Think i've overdone it. I'm falling sick. Head hurts. Throat pains. Calf aches. Dry coughs. Prayers, anyone?

Shannon left at 9:59 p. m..

[ 473. Sad Stories ]

I'm now at mervin's house, waiting for the table before we can start playing mahjong. Just finished a steamboat lunch, hence decided to surf a few blogs while waiting for that lovey dovey couple to finish their lunch and sweet nothings. It's interesting to note that many bloggers love to use blog as an outlet for sad stories. It's pretty well known that people generally can't tolerate others dumping their sad stories on them, hence i guess blogs are the next best alternative. Well, in case of a public blog... isn't it a case of dumping our sorrows on others as well? Except that you don't know who's reading it. That makes you feel better, in a sense.

"haiz... think i screw up as PA, giving him more troubles... boss if u happen to see this. i'm sorry for these unhappy stuff, didnt expect this to happen, but i cant please everyone.. wif such a screwed up person like me, if any1 ard me is happy wif me today, i wld be contented. Sorry today i tried but failed..."

"sigh.. damn bad.. or rather.. low mood.. scream n shout until no voice liao.. cry until no tears liao.. wad do u tink.. my heart reali hurts now.. v v pain.. v v heavy.. feel like juz.. stabbing it.. n killing it.. *sobz* y m i blamed for everyting.. i noe some tings im at fault.. n when he's at fault.. i nv blamed him for anyting.. y m i always blamed.. so nxt time can juz say he's selfish.. so he blames me.. n i haf to accept it? har? har?!"

just two excerpts of blogs that i've flipped through. I'm guilty of such language in my 400 odd posts so far, but the thought i wanna leave is that, if we dump our sorrows on a supposedly private diary and others come across it, isn't the effect on them all the same? So aren't we just gratifying ourselves?

Shannon left at 3:59 p. m..

viernes, enero 23, 2004

[ 472. Stereotypes ]

We used to be divided into males and females only. As the earth populates, more and more labels were derived. There were blacks, whites and yellows. Fat or thin. Tall or short. All these form the first impression upon others. Easily observable, nothing much to be done. In fact, the more you do, the more controversial you become. Look at michael jackson. No explanation required. The more pressing issue is the labels that are intangible. The evil, the angel. The goldhearted, the blackhearted. The stingy, the generous. The liberal, the conservative. The aj, the straight. These can only be seen once someone knows the person intimately. If not well received, more often than not, consequences are much more unbearable and hurting. Many people will think twice before opening up to others, especially in a place like Singapore. Undergoing much social makeover and changing of values, there are still possible backfire if controversial issues are revealed. For example, a couple of my friends struggling with sexuality issues took a very long time before i discovered they are aj. Even so, many insisted that they are bi so that in case of a discrimination, they still had a way out of this mess. I'm not saying that they can't truly be bi, but to me some are pretty obviously uninterested in the fairer gender. That's how much social pressure can act upon people. Gee. Stay cool, people who are weird.

Shannon left at 2:50 p. m..

[ 471. CNY Food report ]

Food intake for 22 January 2004:

in chronological order:
half a tin of pineapple tarts
coffee
one big plate of fried beehoon
some curry chicken
some ngor hiang
eight mini chicken franks
one crabstick
a can of coke
eight chocolate wafer sticks
one cup of coffee
one swensen's fish and chips
one-third cup chocolate malt ice-cream
half a glass of coke
half a serving of golden village nachos with cheese
half a 32oz cup of ice lemon tea
one cup of tea
eight of my aunt's cookies
a handful of prawn roll crackers

That's it. Rachel had to remind me that every pineapple tart contributes 82 calories to my dear friend, not to mention 4g of fats.

Food aside, I miss the hype and fun i used to feel during chinese new year. When you're a child, you're less aware of the bigger picture. Even if the world is painted as a big mural right in front of you, a child will only run close up to the painting and see what's in front of him only. It may be just a small part depicting some warmth and joy, but that's all it matters to a child. There's only so much, so far a child may be able to see. As you grow up, you learn to step back, and see the bigger picture. That's when your eyes are opened and you start shifting your focus to other parts of this art, and realize that there are so many different feelings depicted in a single mural. Much more things have happened every year since the turn of the century, and that forms the sorrow, burden and pains of the picture. Sometimes i wish i never grow up; but i know that i get more strength from God each day as i step a step further back to view this mural of life.

Shannon left at 8:17 a. m..

[ 470. Love ]

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels,
but have not love,
I have become sounding brass or a tinkling symbol.

And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.

And if I dole out all my goods, and
if I deliver my body that I may boast
but have not love, nothing I am profited.

Love is long suffering,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.

It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth

It covers all things,
it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things,
it endures in all things.

Love never falls in ruins;
but whether prophecies, they will be abolished; or
tongues, they will cease; or
knowledge, it will be superseded.

For we know in part and we prophecy in part.

But when the perfect comes, the imperfect will be superseded.

When I was a child,
I spoke as a child,
I reckoned as a child;

when I became a man,
I put away childish ways.

For now we see through a mirror in an enigma, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know as also I was fully known.

But now remains
faith, hope, love,

these three;

but the greatest of these is love.

Shannon left at 12:25 a. m..

jueves, enero 22, 2004

[ 469. A Father's Love ]

Happy cheena new year one and all! Finally have some time to pen some brief entry on some stuff that happened over the first day of festivities. Last year, on the eve i was out with my church friends for yet again a reunion lunch. As such, i went home late at about 1830hrs, and to my horror, disappointment and godknowswhat, my family not only started the reunion dinner without me, they ended without me as well. My mood for the entire day was shattered at that moment. I quietly ate my dinner, even abalone tasted like crap to me. When it rains in my heart, it poured. So this year i made it a point to go home at 4pm just to play safe, and i was correct. Visited chinatown simply just to get out of house. What a loser i've become.

Visitation was routine this year. Woodlands, corporation road, bukit panjang. 4pm reached home. Not much explanation needed. Everyone else in the family had programme after that, so i decided to make some myself to. Went out for a movie and dinner with a friend, as well as tons of chat. Now waiting at home, waiting for john to come.

I love to let my mind wonder far and off. Perhaps that's why i have dreams many a night, and they are usually adventurous by nature. Know this is a bit off, but in my dad's car i was reminded of a story i once heard.

A couple had a pair of fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. Every time they went out for dinner, they would after that go for ice-cream at their favourite ice-cream store. It was an enjoyable and the only thing the family looked forward to for that night. One day, the boy misbehaved at dinner. Instead of apologising for his misdemeanour, he threw a temper and sulked. So as a punishment, mom and dad decided that while the rest had their ice-cream, boy would not have his ice-cream. So as usual, after dinner the family strolled to the ice-cream store. As dad, mom and girl chose their ice-cream flavours, boy peered with yearn into the big freezer with all the ice-cream in it. At that sight, dad almost gave way. But he decided otherwise. The atmosphere was down, though the three had their ice-cream, and boy as promised was deprived of his as a form of punishment. That night was the night when the ice-cream tasted the worst.

It's the same way as how much God loves us... much as He wants to give us the best, sometimes He has no choice but to do what He has to do because He wants us to learn the right way...

Shannon left at 9:38 p. m..

miércoles, enero 21, 2004

[ 468. Realization ]

Yesterday was bookout day. As usual, the morale is estatic just like any other bookout day, despite a late bookout at 2030. The duty instructors was of the best combination ever, and the programme had its corners cut ridiculously. ippt spec training was only one set worth; first aid lesson was for sleeping. even circuit training was unbelievable: 2 sets of 8 stations (down from the usual 10), 2 minutes per station (down from the usual 5). The dummy grenade throwing practice was also quite slack, except for the stupid helmet.

Something struck me during another of those waiting to rush times. Tekong is a depressing place as many has commented. You see nothing but recruits being verbally abused. Quoting one commander, to ensure that recruits listen and follow instructions, there's two methods. The first is to be nice to them, the second is to whack them like there's no tomorrow. In theory, both works, but in practice, only the latter works. You try the former, the recruits climb over your head. Sometimes even literally. So almost every moment at the company line, you'll see at least one platoon with hands and feet on the ground and butts pointing to the sky. Welcome to tekong, the land of the sadists. And yes, so what if we are a-level or diploma holders? That does't mean we are robots. You don't expect to programme us once, and we can reproduce everything the second time round onwards without mistake at all. Notice the singularity of the word 'mistake'. We don't even have to talk about more than a single misdeed before we get it all down on our exercise again. Talk about care for soldiers; talk about being reasonable. Another good trend found interesting is the absence of 'reasons'. Everything recruits do incorrectly and when an explanation is required, they are all excuses. If commanders are required to explain something: they are now called reasons. What heck?

I've made up my mind. I don't want to be a commander. No point being sucked into the world of sadists.

Night bookout was fun. Had supper with hongyao, xiaohei and bowen at macdonalds, and exchanged tons of tekong ancedotes along with fries and nuggets. Well... even though that meant i had to wait half hour for them to bookout, i did it anyway. Missed them so much, die die also must wait. =) Xiaohei's dad sent me home after that... so i saved $1.23 again. Haah... i'm getting more and more cheapo (and shameless. oops.) John came to stay over as well... haiz. =)

Today went back to srjc for a couple of hours, before going to serangoon gardens with zhiwei for a cup of coffee at Gardens. Had a little reunion lunch with the ptNorth group... kind of a funny attempt. We desperately look for space in the whole Gardens, before decided to takeaway and seat at the hawker center. It was rather deserted. Remember that today is CNY eve? All the chinese stalls were shut, so most tables were empty, gladly for us to use.

And yes... happy new year. Chinese, i mean.

(notice i'm getting bored and tired and God-knows-what to type anything...)

Shannon left at 3:49 p. m..

domingo, enero 18, 2004

[ 467. Service ]

Today is another service... and today's Christina's birthday....

HaPpPpPy biRThDaY ChRis!!!!! =P

Yupz. Much has been learnt, much has been experienced. Much more will come.

I'm lazy to type more. See you guys at new year. Cheers.

Shannon left at 5:51 p. m..

[ 466. Small World ]

Song: It's a Small Small World

Lord we do believe that we can win the world
Win it for the world
Lord we do believe what's written in Your Word
Matthew 28:19

It's a small small world
We can win it for the Father
It's a small small world
We can win it we can win it we can win it
For the Father

So come on brothers,
come on sisters,
come on brothers,
come on sisters,
Let's change the world
Let's change the world

Only one life it soon will pass,
Only what's done for Christ will last...

Shannon left at 8:20 a. m..

sábado, enero 17, 2004

[ 465. Split ]

Upset. Downcast. Worried. Confused.

Cry.

Shannon left at 7:56 p. m..

[ 464. Book-out ]

Today is my bookout day. Again. Think you guys are pretty sick of hearing it huh. Haha. It's quite duh actually. If i didn't get to book out do you think i can type all this? LoL. I'm just ranting on and on today. I dunno why. Mind's in the state of confusion which follows a brain-murdering exercise in the morning. You know, the usual killing routine the commanders give on bookout days? Yeah. That's the one. What ippt spec training? More like planned tekan session. 2 rounds of pushups, diamonds, spiders, crunches, duck jumps, jumping jacks, overhead claps, burpees and pull ups. Looked more like extended ~~5BX~~ 10BX. Oh yes, mom found me a group of tuition. Combined Science. Sec 4. 3 students. easy money, i'd say. And someone's not picking up my calls... i'm upset.... haiz.

Shannon left at 12:43 p. m..

jueves, enero 15, 2004

[ 463. Enlistment - the re-enactment ]

In another 5 hours' time i'll be on my way back to that darn island in my number 4.... heck. Today is the last day of my disruption... and i dare say i'm glad it ended today. If it was any longer, i'll be almost absolutely affirmative of my failure in the next ippt. And also... i'm getting bored. *yawnz*. everyone is either working or having school. sianz. or enlisted. This week's enlistment exercise carried for the whole 5 days. I'm getting bored... i want to go back to tekong and sing song with my platoon... gosh, i'm getting crazy.

Dinner with zhichao later on before booking in together... lalala...

Shannon left at 4:02 p. m..

miércoles, enero 14, 2004

[ 462. Books ]

Today was rather an eventless day. Banged my piano periodically from 7am onwards. Annoying my neighbours as usual. Haha. By 2pm, i had enough and headed down for ang mo kio library. On foot... yeah. my idea of wasting time... haha. Took me nearly an hour to reach the library, but 88 cents saved. Lolx. I blew them on food! Spent a lot today, buying breakfast for the family (about 7 bucks), essential items to bring back to tekong (20 bucks), food (10 bucks), and buy a cashcard to settle my outstanding fines (17 bucks). OUCH. Borrowed four books to read... yupz. Have been a long time since i got a good book to read. Don't think i should let my mind go to rust, so i borrowed the books... from my degrading style of writing you should know that the average nsman mind has severely been reduced to a mass of lard... i don't want that to happen. No.

And heck. My attempt to reduce the number of cards in my wallet has taken another blow today. Due to the temporary manifestation of my identity card as a piece of scrap paper, i had to register for a new library card in order to borrow the books. And in order to register for a new library card, i had to purchase a cashcard to pay for the new library card. And all thanks to that, i now have two new members to the xuan's card family. damn.

Shannon left at 6:59 p. m..

[ 461. Schedule ]

This is my tentative, i repeat, tentative schedule for the next couple of weeks. Do take note.
(PS: nothing is absolute in tekong. even if there's a timetable, half the time it's not followed.)

January -
14th (wed) - rot at home
15th (thur) - book in at night
17th (sat) - book out in morning
18th (sun) - book in at night
20th (tues) - book out at night
25th (sun) - book in at night
31st (sat) - book out in morning

february -
1st (sun) - book in at night
2nd (mon) - field camp until 8th (sun)

Shannon left at 8:38 a. m..

domingo, enero 11, 2004

[ 460. Weekend ]

The joy of returning home late on a sunday night and not having to worry about getting to pasir ris interchange punctually is immense. Nonetheless, i shall summize how my past 48 hours have been.

saturday morning was spent sleeping in... then i went down to the driving center at yio chu kang, wanting to register for basic theory. Then when i got there, the date that i can register for was 17 february. I didn't register, for fear that it may clash with my field camp... so i went off for care group. Caregroup was ok, just that it feels a bit weird after missing it for so long. Late lunch with enghow follows, before i went home and rot. Not to mention desperately getting someone out for dinner. Finally succeeded in getting shunping to go jln kayu for prata... and crapped quite a bit and also talk abit about army life. Got an unexpected message from kenny after that... so i went down to orchard at 10pm to do what? have a drink and chat with him... hahaha. nah, not angry... on the contrary, quite glad that he asked me out.

today was even better... i spent the whole day in orchard. morning had shepherding, followed by service, lunch, then birthday celebration for joseph and tom. Shopped around with rachel and mx for almost 4 to 5 hours... before my legs rot and i went home. Oh yeah, i bought another shirt... haha...i'm really mad about shopping i guess.

Tomorrow gonna send some people off to tekong... then have lunch with huichun at nus... then go queensway and SHOP again... lalalalala...

Shannon left at 9:07 p. m..

viernes, enero 09, 2004

[ 459. Testimonial ]

Finally, i've collected my testimonial, along with some other documents. Went to school early this morning, didn't see much teachers nor students, but apparently some things have changed. I really miss school now. Well, then again, it's our nature to only treasure things after they are gone.

Listening to Stef Sun's "Yu Jian" now. This song really bring back lots of memories of 2003... alas, mostly sad memories. Nonetheless, i really treasure those times... though it had a bad ending. Well, it's reality... only fairy tales will have those happily-ever-after endings. Well... God knows what 2004 has in store for me. I really wonder.

Shannon left at 11:22 a. m..

jueves, enero 08, 2004

[ 458. Disruption ]

1st IPPT Disruption Test Results

Sit ups: 43
Chin ups: 6
Shuttle run: 10.6sec
Standing broad jump: 216cm
2.4km run: 10min 57sec

And therefore, i'm out of that darn place called tekong and taking a one week break till next thursday night. Cheers. =)

And yes, that concludes my PTP.

Shannon left at 8:01 p. m..

sábado, enero 03, 2004

[ 457. Bookout ]

Today is the last of the series of the famous end of year bookout season. Well, i'm still sick for your information, but one of my resolutions is not to report sick. The sheer amount of forms and books you have to fill in will grant you another condition called headache. Facing some crap COS on certain days (especially that short one in platoon 4 and the black one in platoon 2) will give you another severe sore eyes. Heck, they are not worth wasting any more blog prints on. Nonetheless, i met a jc classmate who happens to book out today as well. Apparently, he seems to enjoy telling me how xiong their training is, how strict their sergeants are, and how much responsibility he has as a bunk ic. And yes, how often their platoon ic changes. Read between the lines, he wanna say how good a certain company ending with the letter 's' is. Heck. And i have to see him every saturday when i book out. Never mind...

Tomorrow is quite a late book in. 2130hrs. Hmmm. Later going out to lunch with friends. Need to buy some stuff as well. Cya dude.

And yes... wish me all the best for my ippt disruption test this thursday. Oh, as well as courage for that jab on monday again. =/

Shannon left at 11:36 a. m..

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

sábado, enero 31, 2004

[ 477. Quiz ]

[ 476. Youth Service ]

[ 475. Bookout ]

sábado, enero 24, 2004

[ 474. Sick ]

[ 473. Sad Stories ]

viernes, enero 23, 2004

[ 472. Stereotypes ]

[ 471. CNY Food report ]

[ 470. Love ]

jueves, enero 22, 2004

[ 469. A Father's Love ]

miércoles, enero 21, 2004

[ 468. Realization ]

domingo, enero 18, 2004

[ 467. Service ]

[ 466. Small World ]

sábado, enero 17, 2004

[ 465. Split ]

[ 464. Book-out ]

jueves, enero 15, 2004

[ 463. Enlistment - the re-enactment ]

miércoles, enero 14, 2004

[ 462. Books ]

[ 461. Schedule ]

domingo, enero 11, 2004

[ 460. Weekend ]

viernes, enero 09, 2004

[ 459. Testimonial ]

jueves, enero 08, 2004

[ 458. Disruption ]

sábado, enero 03, 2004

[ 457. Bookout ]

the guy

his wishes

his horizons

people.

tags

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.

sábado, enero 31, 2004

[ 477. Quiz ]

[ 476. Youth Service ]

[ 475. Bookout ]

sábado, enero 24, 2004

[ 474. Sick ]

[ 473. Sad Stories ]

viernes, enero 23, 2004

[ 472. Stereotypes ]

[ 471. CNY Food report ]

[ 470. Love ]

jueves, enero 22, 2004

[ 469. A Father's Love ]

miércoles, enero 21, 2004

[ 468. Realization ]

domingo, enero 18, 2004

[ 467. Service ]

[ 466. Small World ]

sábado, enero 17, 2004

[ 465. Split ]

[ 464. Book-out ]

jueves, enero 15, 2004

[ 463. Enlistment - the re-enactment ]

miércoles, enero 14, 2004

[ 462. Books ]

[ 461. Schedule ]

domingo, enero 11, 2004

[ 460. Weekend ]

viernes, enero 09, 2004

[ 459. Testimonial ]

jueves, enero 08, 2004

[ 458. Disruption ]

sábado, enero 03, 2004

[ 457. Bookout ]

the guy

his wishes

his horizons

people.

tags

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.