gone.
will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.
martes, julio 18, 2006
[ 1233. Funeral ]
Something random before i go to the subject proper. You know i tend to think a lot whenever time and space allows for it. And such an occasion arose just now, while i was sitting and staring into blank space at my uncle's wake. It's those times where you have wonderful arguments and theories formulating in your head, and you'll be wondering where's blogger when you need it especially so at that time.
I guess i didn't like announce to the whole world that my 5th uncle lost his battle with lymphoma last friday, while we were having starry starry night. Before you send your condolences, i'm not actually close to him. At all, sadly. He was one of those relatives whom i see once or twice a year, usually at chinese new year or any other major events. That's one of the problems with large families in our parents' generation, you can say. So finally after much procrastination, i finally got my big butt to the wake somewhere in the far jurong west after tuition today.
Met the usual relatives, and answered the usual questions. "Yes i'm (my mother's name) son." "yes i'm going uni this year" "yes i'm turning 21 this year." "no i don't have a girlfriend." and the list goes on. And of course, after all these mandatory re-introductions, i'll relinquish to the far corner table, and silently tuck into the typical funeral tidbits of peanuts and packet drinks. (It's strange why they don't serve can drinks, huh?) Before long, i got bored, and i went off, walking around the neighbourhood, calling people to kill time.
I guess i'm pretty relieved that yet again, i'm spared from all these rites. So as i watched from afar, i observed. The monks and volunteers leading the prayers. Leading rounds around the casket. Chanting monotonous and seemingly boring prayers. And all my relatives seemed so... emotionless. I wonder if they were tired of crying, or they were simply numb. Numb from all the proceedings, numb from all these hype. It seems to me that all that's done is out of obligation. Outside of the rites, sisters were discussing about the possibility of hitting someone's else house for a game of mahjong or two. I see my granny crying a moment, and chatting incessantly with another fellow granny in another. It's like, hey, wasn't this supposed to be an event of remembrance and mourning?
Humans and their shows. Tomorrow while the casket leaves for the crematorium, i'll probably see more people wailing. Whether for the sake of it, or overflowing from the heart, i dun wanna know. After all, i won't be there.
Rest in peace, uncle.
Shannon left at 12:04 a. m..
the guy
xuan shannon male single 030985.
ntu cs year1 / vocalconsort tenor2 / hopesg nyc ntub1.
msn me.
his wishes
new clothes, new shoes, new bike, new friends, fantastic grades.
macbook, ipod nano, nokia n80, new wallet.
his horizons
malaysia, penang.
australia, brisbane/gold coast.
thailand, hatyai.
malaysia, genting.
malaysia, johor.
malaysia, melaka.
thailand, chiangmai.
australia, perth.
canada, edmonton/cold lake.
australia, rockhampton.
thailand, bangkok.
austria, vienna.
czech rep, olomouc.
austria, salzburg.
germany, munich.
switzerland, zurich.