jueves, febrero 16, 2006
[ 1099. Melancholy Part Two ]
Received two cards today actually. One from junting, which according to mom got into the mailbox yesterday but she forgot to pass them to me. Another one from enghow. Junting got me some words of catching up and encouragement, and i'm thankful that someone so far away still remembers me. I'm touched. Really. And enghow's letter that he wrote on v-day for us almost made me teared when i read it. I'm truly touched, yet again. I seriously dunno how much i could thank God for sending someone as wonderful as enghow into my life. To me, someone who never really took friendships seriously. Who thrives on attention, and can be pretty eccentric at times. Yet he sends wonderful brothers and sisters like enghow, bowen, ziwei, mx, and many many others into my life.
Reading mx's blog never fail to encourage me about what God has done in her life. It puts me to shame. really. was talking to chris on the phone today as well, and we were chatting about yesterday's d242. no doubt it's the most impactful one, though alan keep insisting that it's the strangest one. Probably it's because everything came from the heart. One thing that struck me the most was something that was shared: God don't necessarily have to use the most skilful one, but God will use a humble and willing heart. I confess, i don't have a willing heart. Many times the outside world always has its appeal to me. And i'm sucked into it. I've done and tried lotsa things while i was in army. I clubbed a fair bit back in 04, i drank quite a fair bit, and i learnt how to smoke. All in the name of wanting to try everything once. Well, disclaimer, disclaimer first: i don't club much nowadays (in fact the last time i clubbed and drank was SMU's bash in jan), and there goes the same for drinking and smoking too. But i realized there are some things that should not be tried, not even once. I was never really walking right with God i think. There are often times i go to service, feeling so sinful. And though many times i come out refreshed and renewed by God's presence, but there were also times i came out broken, lousy and untouched at all. i feel forsaken, but i never said anything. But i know for a fact that God has never given up on me, and as i looked back, i don't know if i'll be who i am now if i never knew God. Probably i won't do so well outside too. Probably, probably. There's just too many possibilities, bad ones, if i never stepped into this family. God, i want to be counted in your kingdom. I want to do something for you. finally.
Another dark night, another teary night. God be here with me....
Shannon left at 11:38 p. m..
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