lunes, setiembre 19, 2005
[ 1008. Duty Galore ]
Whenever i don't have enough rest, i tend to get moody, and lots of thoughts rush through my mind.
Reflections, reflections. Will we be better off without reflecting on our actions? will reflections bring us guilt and regrets?
Saturday was a labourous day. 7 men, packing all 50 crates or so and moving them into the container. There were a few things that i knew i did that wasn't really pleasing to Him. Maybe it's my sensitive nature, maybe it's really meant to be that way. Someone just gave me the feeling that he was picking on me. Maybe it's incident-specific, but i chose to take it personally. By the end of the day, coupled with tiredness and the pathetic fact that i had duty the following day, my mood was more fouled when the drivers chose to rest and chit-chat in the mess while the bunch of us waited for what seemed like eternity.
I was hoping to go home first, before grabbing all my book-in stuff and heading down for aaron's birthday celebration. As the minutes ticked, my plans were slowing eroding away, and not to mention, i was suppressing my frustration and anger within myself. There's no way i'm gonna explode like i always do. It's not fair for others to bear the brunt of it. If there were any signs of my frustration, it'd be the really, really solemn face and quiet nature then.
I'm glad that i didn't explode. I really can't imagine the ugly scene if i had. And i wonder if He was testing me or further or what, i had to encounter a taxi-driver who brought me on a wild goose ride in the wrong direction of the expressway. God's stretching my tolerance, i'm telling you.
But well, i can't comprehend why was i feeling so frustrated back then. Was it because of my tiredness that the carnal nature had to reveal itself, or was it right to do what i did? Someone pray tell.
My mood took a total uplift when i met my cell. It seemed so long since i last saw them, and i could say that i was grinning from ear to ear with i saw the whole bunch of them, and having dinner together. Apart from saving lots of food for me, i was just so naturally felt so refreshed by talking to them alone, though physically tired. Even had coffee with bowen and enghow after dinner, till i reached home shortly after midnight. Once again i realized how much these bros meant to me. Those smses, those words of encouragement, i guess it's part of the evidence of his love.
I haven't had a good rest since saturday night. As you could have guessed. Even last night i had to help dick take one of his sentry shifts cuz he had to drive today. Even though elvin and i decided to take half hour, the guard comd decided that i'll do the entire hour, and elvin was nice enough to accompany me on the second half of the hour, complete with sbo, beret and rifle. Though i was half tempted to ask him to go back, i welcomed the company totally. Thanks dude. Kind of selfish of me though. Gee.
I have like 3 weeks to complete the magazine. I'm done with only 2 years as of now. I really, really need His grace in this. And pray that i'd have a good rest tonight.
Shannon left at 7:51 p. m..
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