my.escape

viernes, mayo 13, 2005

[ 891. NUS Sci Fac ]

I ripped this off this guy's blog.

Disclaimer: i do not, and i mean DO NOT, necessarily share the same views. Please read for entertainment purposes only.

Are the students from National University of Singapore (Faculty of Science) really that boring and ugly?
This post is a highly serious one so I urge everyone, including my close friends, to refrain from laughing while reading it.

I have been studying there for 2 whole years (Majoring in Life Sciences) and I will be graduating in around a year’s time so it would be appropriate for me to make objective judgements. Let’s admit it - most of the Science Majors are ugly. And the situation isn’t getting any better. It is the congregation of all the ugly 18 to 24 years old in Singapore.

We can change the motto to “NUS Faculty of Science – Brains need no Beauty.” I am pretty sure we can do an entire marketing campaign to attract all the talented nerds from all over the world to study here. I have even thought of the lines for them. “Have you almost given someone a heart attack when they looked at your face? Do your parents forbid you to roam around at night, fearing you might scare someone to death? Was your nickname “FREAK” in secondary school? Have you ever made a child cry when you tried to cuddle him? Did your friends only allow you to tag along in Orchard if you wore a paper bag over your head? We want you!! Come to NUS and experience the nerdy college life in the Faculty of Science. You may be ugly, but so are we!!”

I have visited other faculties and assessed for myself the quality of other girls. I really wish I am exaggerating. If I have a dollar for everytime I hear the words “Man… Look how *Buang that girl is” I will be driving a BMW Cabriolet.
*slang for ugly

I still remember my first few days in this esteemed institute. I enrolled to join in the orientation group in hopes of meeting cute chicks. I knew beforehand that the population of females would be high and I was right. There were 3 guys and 17 girls in my Orientation Group (OG). The ratio is roughly the same for the other OG(s). Thinking that with the high number of females, I would at least see some eye candy. I was thankful I still haven’t suffered irreversible cornea damage.

The proportion of decent looking girls in the faculty is heavily skewered towards the left. Never have I in my life witnessed the statistical phenomenon that it is actually possible to gather 100 females in the same room and not find a single cute girl. The males are not any much better. You would never need more than two hands to count the cute guys in the faculty. I have to give credit that there were actually decent looking males and females around but it is worse than finding a needle in a haystack.

I used to have this theory that “A young and slim girl can’t look too bad.” The students in Life Sciences made me eat my words. It is actually possible to be young, slim and STILL be FUGLY. I knew I won’t see super models and drop dead gorgeous babes hanging around the school compound, but I didn’t expect a society reject convention.

The phrase: “Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder” takes on a different meaning here. To me, it is a shortsighted one. I am slightly shortsighted and I don’t have the habit of wearing glasses other than during lectures and tutorials. This blurry vision alone makes the place much more bearable. At least I can’t see the staple-marks and craters on the faces of the girls. Maybe it is God’s way of showing his love for me.

Do you have any idea how much do I have to lower my expectations just to date the girls in this faculty? You would really need to close more than one eye for that, try both eyes instead. As my friend Chris puts it “ You really need to be pretty drunk.” Those girls were the very same ones that I wouldn’t even take a second look while I was in secondary school and junior colleges. I wouldn’t mind if the girls were actually fun to be with but apparently most define fun as mugging in the library. I would rather watch teletubbies.

T-shirts, polo-tees and cargo pants seemed to be the standard uniform of the students here. The fashion sense of the students is appalling. They ARE the walking definition of ‘Fashion Disaster’. Even my mum dresses better when buying fish and vegetables from the market. The weather in Singapore is like the mid levels of hell, yet the girls are wrapping themselves up with jeans, T-shirts and sweaters that would make the Muslim ladies in Iraq proud. Do they have some inherent allergy to spaghetti tops, hot pants and mini-skirts? Most of the students here more than qualify for “Extreme Makeover – Special Disaster Episode”.

Quite a lot of the students looked as if they had never seen a real sun other than on the Discovery Channel. Their skin tone would embarrass Sadako. Asking the girls to use cosmetics is just like asking Britney to remain a virgin – it just doesn’t go together. Is it a fashion statement in Science to look as ugly as possible. If that was their purpose, I am pretty sure they have outdone themselves.

They define ‘walking to the Science Library from the canteen’ as exercise and reading up ten-year series in the library as having fun. Unfit and unhealthy is an understatement. They take absolutely no pride in their overall outlook. Their hair is most of a time such a disaster I wondered where they got their haircut. I could do better with a lawn mower.

Maybe there is nothing one could do with their genetic looks without undergoing plastic surgery. But there is no excuse for smelling like a rubbish dump. The suffocating combination of smelly feet, unwashed hair and body odor could qualify as a weapon of mass destruction. I might make a fortune if I propose this new weapon to SAF to be included into our standard defense arsenal. Once I had to change seats in the middle of the lecture as the deadly stench permeating from the guy sitting in front of me almost killed me. Is it really so hard to take a bath?

Let me repeat myself again. There is nothing sexy or attractive with females having hairy legs and armpits. What is it with females who looked like they just came through a time machine right from the Stone Age? The sight of the Amazon Forest coming into full bloom when the arms are raised up is the anti-thesis of Viagra. That sight alone is enough to make Austin Powers impotent. Just trying to recall that horrifying image brings shudders through my spine.

I know God made men and rested on the last day. Did he rest on the day he made the people of this faculty too? Was God trying to be funny? Or was he trying to test out his creative skills? The girls look as if their faces have been run over by a garbage truck – over and over again. What have we done to incur his rancorous wrath? It’s pretty much sure that we haven’t done anything worse than or even remotely close to murder.

When I was talking to my friend Jefferd about this problem, he summed it up by saying “Only the lab techs were decent looking”. This explains a lot. Something is terribly wrong if we have to look at lab technicians whom are at least four years older than the girls in our faculty. You can see more babes while walking from the Arts bus stop to the Arts canteen than your entire three months in Science.

It is not like the males are any much better. Obviously some of the males are decent looking but this is rather rare due to the low population of males in Science. Just hang out in the Sports and Recreation Center (SRC) and you would be able to see more cute and hunky guys in five minutes than five weeks in Science. Well, maybe some of them are homosexuals. But at least gays dress up and smell much better.

Perhaps the high level of fiendishness in this faculty could be excusable if it was actually a fun place. Alas, that’s not the case. Their bashes and parties are actually class gatherings disguised under the dim lighting of a pub environment surrounded by loud music. It baffles me to see a whole group of friends sitting around a table with, I shit you not, 2 jugs of coke for the entire duration of the night. I would quote someone by saying that the people here are actually socially retarded but I have actually seen retarded people at charitable homes having fun and being sociable.

Maybe all the other shortcomings of the faculty could be pardoned if the people here were interesting to talk to. Read the conversation in the article here and you would think that I am joking. But I have really heard students from the Science Club communicating in that way. Holding a decent conversation with them is just like trying to get the Singapore Government to legalize and allow proliferation of pornography – it’s just not possible.

I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me after reading this article. They will probably say that the life here isn’t actually so bad and I am actually having unrealistic expectations of University life. I tell you, GO TAKE A WALK in the other faculties. Just spend 2-hours (11am-1pm) in either the Arts or the Business canteen and see for yourself. Open up your eyes and look at the quality of girls in the other faculties, then come back and apologize to me for saying stupid things.

I know I am probably gonna piss off almost the entire faculty with this article but I don’t give a damn. Most of them won’t be reading this anyway since they would be preoccupied with reading their Biology textbook for the seventeenth time. I am graduating soon and I think that it is my duty to inform the rest of the world how fucked up this place is. People usually envy me when I tell them I am from Science and they go on and on at the high number of females here. Little do they realize that it isn’t a joke to be surrounded by she-apes all the time. I probably won’t get any more dates after this but I have already gotten to know most of the better-looking girls in Life Sciences. This article can’t hurt me too much. If you feel that you actually look pretty and want to hang out with me, drop me a mail…

Shannon left at 10:14 p. m..

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

viernes, mayo 13, 2005

[ 891. NUS Sci Fac ]

the guy

his wishes

his horizons

people.

tags

gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.

viernes, mayo 13, 2005

[ 891. NUS Sci Fac ]

the guy

his wishes

his horizons

people.

tags

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.