my.escape

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

domingo, febrero 27, 2005

[ 812. Church ]

Went to church today, and well, it'll be the uni district's last sunday service. Next week on, we'll move on to the youth together with those poly students. Feeling kinda expectant yet uncertain of meeting old friends since my days in TP 3 years ago. Well, today God struck me in a different sense again. Somehow it was linked to something i was chatting with felix about as well.

About God being real in my life. About going to church, living a christian life, and being salt and light in where we are. Somehow we face a similar issue. Like what i said... "i can tell u frankly that i'm not the christian that God would want me to be. the one that can share my faith fearlessly... without care that ppl may look at me differently, look at my God differently." Today i asked God again. Why me? Why has He allowed me to go thru such a contradictory process? Deep inside i want to do something for God, but i'm too... timid. Fearful. Not knowing if i can live up to my own expectations. Had some sort of a heart to heart chat with felix last night till the wee hours, and realized that there are still so much hope, so much freedom God can give, only if i'm willing.

Junting came to talked to me today as well. It was just another occasion when the CG bought some ice-cream and eat, i just walked away casually, dwelling in my own thoughts and thinking of some stuff. She asked me if i was ok. And if i was upset at someone. I realized i was, but i was just ignoring it, because i thought the problem may be because of me all these while. But on the flip side, maybe it's not. Was on the brink of tearing as i chatted with her, but i managed to hold back those tears. It's comforting to hear that there are people still concerned, still cared enough to say, hey how's everything. She asked me this question also which i found it hard to answer: what kept me going all these months? And for once, i realized how much i actually held the hope i had in God with me...

Shannon left at 9:59 p. m..

the guy

xuan shannon male single 030985.
ntu cs year1 / vocalconsort tenor2 / hopesg nyc ntub1.
msn me.

his wishes

new clothes, new shoes, new bike, new friends, fantastic grades. ~~macbook, ipod nano, nokia n80, new wallet.~~

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malaysia, penang. australia, brisbane/gold coast. thailand, hatyai. malaysia, genting. malaysia, johor. malaysia, melaka. thailand, chiangmai. australia, perth. canada, edmonton/cold lake. australia, rockhampton. thailand, bangkok. austria, vienna. czech rep, olomouc. austria, salzburg. germany, munich. switzerland, zurich.

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gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.