domingo, noviembre 14, 2004
[ 719. Hansel's Finger ]
"I, the great matyr, have managed to sacrifice myself yet again for another worthy national imperative. Line laying across the road is easy, if you absolutely know how.
Step one, lay the line diagonally across a road so that minimum contact with tyres is achieved at any one point of time, reducing the line's culpablility of snapping.
Step two, stoop down on all fours, prostrate before the holy d10 and pile squalid, soppy chunks of soggy earth onto the line and cover well with one's bare hands.
Step three, pat the hunks of soil into a conpact mound over the line to protect the line from breaking and cushion the impact of vehicles.
Step four, in the even that you are wearing an SBO, helmet and rifle, be so kind and ease the burden of work and sling the rifle to the back of your SBO so that it does not intefere with your little soil-play.
Step five, shove against the mud hard enough that the rifle dislodges itself from its hind position and swivels on a sling pivot 180 degrees in front of you with maximum force.
Step six, position your fingers such that the butt of the rifle rams at a perfect angle against the fourth finger of your left hand as it swings in full momentum.
Step seven, reel back in horror as you try to accomodate the pain that follows.
Step eight, get up to notice a startling anomaly: that you have whitted your fingernail clean off its nail bed and it has been ripped off, from nape to root, still attached to your soft pulpy finger bed beneath the cuticle by two filaments.
Step nine, digest the reality for about 5 seconds.
Step ten. Panic. Omigod omigod."
Forgive me. How could you not laugh at an event as such?
Shannon left at 10:05 p. m..
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