domingo, setiembre 12, 2004
[ 679. Self ]
Been reading some blogs recently. And reflecting upon myself over the past few days. You know, i will always start thinking about things and allow myself to become melancholic whenever i start having not enough rest and my body threatens to go into the sick mode. Guess it works that way for me.
Ok, back to my thoughts. It's been a pretty long time since i last talked. Talked about my thoughts, my inner fears and such. No, nothing confidential here, nothing that i've never said before here. But it's just that the only times i get in touch with my heart, myself is when i start reading about others' lives and place them side by side with own for examination. And usually, i'll pale much by comparision. No, i'm not saying that i want to be superior to others. But it just saddens me that i have lost many godly characteristics. In fact, i no longer pursue them. All it mattered to me was that i don't get hurt anymore. I put on the false front of strength and happiness. People label me confident. I call myself a coward. People say i'm a social butterfly. Methinks i just need companionship. Others say i'm self centered. That i can't deny....
I just can't find myself opening up my heart to accept God's love again. I know that if i can't do so, i won't be able to give freely, becausing that may subject myself to being hurt again, to give up my own rights again. Most importantly, i know that things will remain as such until and unless i choose to walk towards God...
"God, help." |
Shannon left at 7:30 p. m..