my.escape

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

domingo, setiembre 12, 2004

[ 679. Self ]

Been reading some blogs recently. And reflecting upon myself over the past few days. You know, i will always start thinking about things and allow myself to become melancholic whenever i start having not enough rest and my body threatens to go into the sick mode. Guess it works that way for me.

Ok, back to my thoughts. It's been a pretty long time since i last talked. Talked about my thoughts, my inner fears and such. No, nothing confidential here, nothing that i've never said before here. But it's just that the only times i get in touch with my heart, myself is when i start reading about others' lives and place them side by side with own for examination. And usually, i'll pale much by comparision. No, i'm not saying that i want to be superior to others. But it just saddens me that i have lost many godly characteristics. In fact, i no longer pursue them. All it mattered to me was that i don't get hurt anymore. I put on the false front of strength and happiness. People label me confident. I call myself a coward. People say i'm a social butterfly. Methinks i just need companionship. Others say i'm self centered. That i can't deny....

I just can't find myself opening up my heart to accept God's love again. I know that if i can't do so, i won't be able to give freely, becausing that may subject myself to being hurt again, to give up my own rights again. Most importantly, i know that things will remain as such until and unless i choose to walk towards God...

"God, help."

Shannon left at 7:30 p. m..

the guy

xuan shannon male single 030985.
ntu cs year1 / vocalconsort tenor2 / hopesg nyc ntub1.
msn me.

his wishes

new clothes, new shoes, new bike, new friends, fantastic grades. ~~macbook, ipod nano, nokia n80, new wallet.~~

his horizons

malaysia, penang. australia, brisbane/gold coast. thailand, hatyai. malaysia, genting. malaysia, johor. malaysia, melaka. thailand, chiangmai. australia, perth. canada, edmonton/cold lake. australia, rockhampton. thailand, bangkok. austria, vienna. czech rep, olomouc. austria, salzburg. germany, munich. switzerland, zurich.

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gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.