my.escape

gone.

will i be back?
i don't know.
maybe i've started elsewhere.
maybe never. again.

jueves, diciembre 04, 2003

[ 446. Tears ]

Now into my 43rd hour of waking hours. Just got home, after getting out of the house for the third time today. Went for a slight dinner with deborah and zhichao. Minutes before i start leaving for home, this feeling just came over me. I dunno why, i just feel as if i don't belong to this crowd. This clique. Not much of a common interest, and most of the times i can't talk without making zhichao feel irritated. I just feel so suffocated and bad. I could also see myself making things better by not being there. Many people has told me not to think so much, but years after years, the same thoughts keep coming back to me. The same feeling of "perhaps others don't need you to be around" never fail to haunt me. Then a virtual video of how htings may turn out without you in the picture start flashing in my mind... and how i look from a distance, looking at how happy others are. The same thing happened again on my way home... i have no more tears to cry out anymore... Sometimes i really want to just give up life and go and meet God. On the other hand... i feel too ashamed to meet God now... though i know He will want to anyway... I feel so aloof... redundant... alone... God, i really wanna see you now...

Perhaps i'm destined to be a lonely person...

Shannon left at 11:23 p. m..

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the guy

xuan shannon male single 030985.
ntu cs year1 / vocalconsort tenor2 / hopesg nyc ntub1.
msn me.

his wishes

new clothes, new shoes, new bike, new friends, fantastic grades. ~~macbook, ipod nano, nokia n80, new wallet.~~

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malaysia, penang. australia, brisbane/gold coast. thailand, hatyai. malaysia, genting. malaysia, johor. malaysia, melaka. thailand, chiangmai. australia, perth. canada, edmonton/cold lake. australia, rockhampton. thailand, bangkok. austria, vienna. czech rep, olomouc. austria, salzburg. germany, munich. switzerland, zurich.

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gone. will i be back? i don't know. maybe i've started elsewhere. maybe never. again.