viernes, agosto 01, 2003
[ 214. Suicide ]
Stress. 2 suicides. one month. 2 JCs. 2 girls. 2 deaths.
"To think i was just talking to my motherlast night about not wanting to live any more sometimes, especially after entering JC. The meaning to life has sneaked away, the goal in life has slipped off, your whole life is filled but empty at the same time - and you don't want to wake up anymore." - The New Paper, 30th July 2003.
These words are indeed true reflections of many jc students today, i dare say. All the tutors have been saying, "no more holidays, now gear yourself up and get moving non-stop until after your 'A' levels. You have all the time in the world to relax after that. Now just pull your socks up, get your butts moving, start revising, so on and so forth and so on and so forth and..." Whatever....!!!! I mean, even with God, sometimes i really really feel that this is really not life for humans. it's inhumane. Torturous. Living hell. Whatever you call it. I can totally identify with the RJ girl. Though the name difference of an 'S' brings much disparity in the academic achievements, the stress remains the same nonetheless. Or even more for us, i think. Teachers all think we can't make it, and then push us on as if we can make it. What's the point, man. Sometimes i really feel that perhaps i made the wrong choice by not going to a poly. I'm not even taking the subjects that i wanted to take.
Enough of complaining. But why? why did she choose this route? When i read the papers on wednesday, followed by the featured blog and some of her friend's blogs, my heart really went out to them. Deep inside me, my tears just swelled. Really, why? Is death really the answer? Sometimes i think so to. But when i think of people around me... my family, my brothers and sisters, my friends... i couldn't bear to. Not that i can't bear to leave them, but i can't bear to bring so much hurts and sorrow to them. I've done enough, let's not end it the bad way. I know some out there dislike me; but more out there care for me. I can feel it. I can see it. I'm not sure though. Will my faith and peseverance, and will God pull me through such times? With things piling up everywhere and as time ticks by mercilessly? I don't know. I don't dare to know how will i react. Been feeling tired recently. Physically tired, mentally burnt out with some many things to do. Solitude times with God were great, until the moment i got back into reality my heart just sank. Why can't God just remove me from this world and its torturous clutches? Why...
Enough said. Friends, don't ever follow in the RJCian's footstep. It solves your problems, perhaps, but it multiplies that of others.
Shannon left at 9:03 p. m..
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